You know, I've been thinking about the differences between Generation X (mine) and the new one, which the media has apparently dubbed Generation Y. I believe that everything about the aforementioned age groups can be summed up in the background and songs of two of the biggest pop culture icons of their respective generations: Madonna and Britney Spears. Now, aside from swapping spit at an awards show and Madonna becoming a disappointing musical whore who hasn't recorded anything worthwhile since "Justify My Love" in 1990, the two have less in common than the casual observer may realize. Let's take a look at the evidence, shall we?

Madonna--pays her dues as a dancer and starving artist in New York; fucks and claws her way to the top.
Britney--lands a recording deal through a stint on The Mickey Mouse Club.

Madonna--recorded "Like A Virgin," tongue firmly in cheek, knowing she's not fooling anyone.
Britney--records "Oops! I Did It Again" without an ounce of irony, swears she's a virgin, fools no one but herself.

Madonna--her contemporaries included Deborah Harry and Annie Lennox.
Britney--her contemporaries include Christina Aguilera and Jessica Simpson.

Madonna--implant-free.
Britney--"But guys, these aren't implants! I don't know where they came from, but they're real. See?"

Madonna--accused of sending the Women's Movement back to the '50s.
Britney--really does send the Women's Movement back to the '50s.

Madonna--married Sean Penn, star of The Falcon and the Snowman, Dead Man Walking; director of The Crossing Guard and The Pledge.
Britney--married, uh, some dude.

Madonna--fucked Warren Beatty, star of Splendor in the Grass and Reds.
Britney--fucked Colin Farrell, star of, um--S.W.A.T., is it?

Madonna--probably fucked Prince.
Britney--definitely fucked Justin Timberlake of The Mickey Mouse Club and N'Sync.

Madonna--"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, fine."
Britney--"But they're really not implants. See? Look!"

I rest my case.