Anyway, without further ado...
10 Attitudes of Successful Workers
NOTE FROM ANDIE: See my comments in italics.
By Kate Lorenz, CareerBuilder.com Editor
Why do some people seem to reach the top of the corporate ladder easily, while others remain stuck on the middle-management rung? You might think that it is just because those people have more of what it takes to succeed, like brains, talent and powerful people in their corner, and a nice set of calloused knees, which makes it easier to deliver a good old-fashioned ass-kissin'! But there is something else that is just as important: attitude. And a nice set of lips. You know, for butt-kissin'!
Dr. Martin Seligman, an authority on optimism, discovered that attitude was a better predictor of success than I.Q., education and most other factors. He found that positive people stay healthier, have better relationships and go further in their careers. And he even found that positive people make more money. Translation: When you're shoveling shit at your corporate McJob, make sure to keep a smile on your face.
Anyone can adopt the right attitude. No matter where you are from or how much innate talent you have, the right attitude can make a difference in your career. Try adopting these 10 attitudes of successful workers or just learn how to give a good blow job. That works just as well:
1. I am in charge of my destiny.
If you spend your entire career waiting for something exciting to come to you, you will be waiting a long time. Successful professionals go out and make good things happen or they marry into the right family. So commit yourself to thinking about your career in an entirely different way. You will make it to the top, and you are in charge of making it happen.
2. Anything is possible.
Think that there is no way you will ever be at the vice-president level? Then you definitely won't. Remember: If you think you can't, you probably won't. Adopt the attitude of The Little Engine That Could -- "I think I can." Or just blow your boss.
3. No task is too small to do well.
You never know when you are going to be noticed. That is one reason to take pride in your work -- all of it. One public relations executive in Chicago said that her first task in the PR department of a ballet company was reorganizing the supply closet. She tackled the project with gusto and was immediately noticed for her hard work and attention to detail. Remember this the next time you feel like slacking because you are working on a menial task like replacing the urinal cakes.
4. Everyone is a potential key contact.
While you do need to be aggressive in the workplace, you can also go far by being nice to those around you. Do you think it's unimportant to establish a good rapport with your boss's secretary? Well, just try getting your meeting squeezed onto the schedule when you really need it. Be courteous to those around you-- you never know when your past contacts will play a role in your future. And if all else fails, there's always blackmail.
5. I was made to do this job... and the one above me.
If you spend your days feeling like you are not cut out to do the work you are responsible for, your performance will suffer. Your job may not be the perfect fit, but successful workers act like they are in their dream job, no matter where they are. So shut up and work for that $5.75 an hour, dammit!
6. It's not just what I know, but who I blow.
Successful workers understand the importance of fulfilling the boss's sexual desires, both in and out of the office. You need to proactively establish professional contacts and invest in some sturdy knee pads. Invite a colleague out to lunch. Go to the after-work happy hour. Join your professional association. Or just offer the boss a hummer. Do your part to establish a networking path for your future.
7. What else can I do?
Since you are in charge of your destiny, it's your job to look for ways to improve your professional self. Volunteer to take on an extra project. Learn a new skill that will make you more marketable. Stay late to help your co-workers. Successful workers don't just complete the job and sign out -- they look for additional ways to make their mark or die trying.
8. Failure will help pave the way to my success.
While it seems like some people never experience setbacks, the truth is everyone fails from time to time. The difference between successful and unsuccessful people is how they deal with failure and what kind of dirt they have on their superiors. Those who find success are the ones who learn from mistakes and move on.
9. I am my own biggest fan.
Have you been waiting for someone in the office to recognize your talents and efforts? Maybe it's time you start tooting your own horn. Step up and talk about your accomplishments and what you have done for the company. Successful workers know how to point out their achievements without sounding boastful. And while you're at it, give yourself a hand job.
10. My opportunity monitor is never turned off.
Yes, there will be days when you will want to just be happy with the status quo. But remember that successful workers are always on the lookout for opportunities to improve. Keep your eyes, ears and your mouth open to new opportunities -- you never know when you will discover the one that will change the course of your career! In conclusion, bite me.
Sorry for that last one, folks. I'm drunk and it's late.
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