Summer Rants n' Raves

I was at the gym the other day and I saw the dumbest-ass commercial ever. It was a JC Penney back-to-school ad, (which, on a separate note, really pisses me off that stores start hawking school supplies and fall-weather clothes in the middle of July. It's still summer people! We have a whole month left! Incidentally, I never considered summer officially over until the week following my birthday, which is in late August. So suck it, department stores; summer ain't over until I say so!) But I digress....

So the commercial is a tribute/send-up/rip-off of The Breakfast Club, featuring an assortment of wholesome-looking teens being dropped off one by one at Shermer High School (the advertisers get a little credit for getting the name right) and assembling in the library where (in a series of rapid-fire montages) they sulk, fidget, eat their lunches, run through the halls, bond with one another, and dance. Of course, the advertisers opted not to include the part where the Judd Nelson "rebel" stand-in (a rebel who shops at JC Penney? Um, okay...) buries his face in the Molly Ringwald chick's crotch. Also missing was the loogie swallowing, the weirdo Ally Sheedy girl shaking dandruff from her hair, and (naturally) the pot smoking scene. It sort of looks like a High School Musical version of The Breakfast Club, which is a scary, scary thought.

Judge for yourself.



Other observations: interestingly enough, they made both the Anthony Michael Hall/nerd and the Molly Ringwald/princess characters African-American, and--in a gay-ass nod to Paris Hilton--the princess girl is clutching a Chihuahua. In the school library. Yeah. Also, after the princess girl "pretties up" the Ally Sheedy weirdo girl, she looks exactly the same (she should have made her change out of that fugly purple outfit)--the only thing different about the weird girl post-"makeover" is that she is sporting a thin plastic headband, the likes of which I have not seen since I was twelve. Dear God, don't tell me those things are back.

Wow, I have given way too much thought to this crappy JC Penney commercial. That's sort of sad.

Anyway, on to some recommendations.

READ:

What is the What by Dave Eggers

Hairstyles of the Damned by Joe Meno

SEE:

The Wackness (Mary-Kate Olsen notwithstanding, it's a great movie)

HEAR:

The Black Kids, Partie Traumatic (They're not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you!)

RENT:

The Filth and the Fury

TRY:

The mashed potato bar at Joe's Garage (I had mine with mock duck and broccoli smothered in Wisconsin cheese. Awesome!)