ADVENTURES IN SCAM BAITING, PART IV:

007 WILL RETURN IN....
 GOLDENASS

This hopeful suitor contacted me over Christmas. I guess scammers don't take holidays! It's a 24/7 kind of job, ya'll. Anyhoo, here's how it went for him.

Above: no, I don't live in Vegas, but I do live in Reno. Reno is about eight hours north of Vegas, actually, but I'm still thousands of miles closer to Vegas than johndolan1231, who's likely sitting in a one room shanty in Lagos, staring into a stolen iPhone screen and fingering his prostate.

I've visited Vegas many times and I'm pretty familiar with the city by now, so I tried to get him to say where in the city he lived. Since he obviously doesn't know anything about Vegas and probably couldn't even point out the US on a map, he tries to evade the question by telling me that Las Vegas is in Nevada.  

Below: ah of course! He's a doctor, and he's working in Spain. A lot of these assclowns claim to either be from Spain or working there in some noble profession like medicine. I don't know what that's about. He probably couldn't pick out Spain on a map, either.

He also dodges the question about his private Instagram account. They ALL have private Instagram accounts. 

As soon as I mention my lavish lifestyle, johndolan1231 suddenly has an urgent need to chat with me on Google Hangout. I plead ignorance. 

Oh yeah, I went back to that Rowsdower/Kavanaugh trope "Do you like beer?" I know, I need new material. I'm working on it.

Our convo goes on for a little bit...

Below: He "won'ts" a relationship, and he's trolling women on Instagram to find love. Yes, this guy is 100% a jet-setting doctor. Totally. 

This is the point where I drop the ass-dipping-in-gold bullshit on him. It's something I pulled out of my ass--figuratively speaking--while messaging with johndolan1231. I vaguely remembered reading about some brouhaha with a female celebrity dipping her ass in gold, so I Googled it and discovered that Lady Gaga, that lovable scamp, did it a few years back for a photo shoot with icky perv Terry Richardson (ugh, why has that fuckface not been MeToo-ed into oblivion by now?). 

I think johndolan1231 must have thought I was a dream come true: a tacky rich American who spends money on ridiculously useless shit like golden ass-dipping would probably be naive enough to send him hundreds of thousands of dollars if he came up with a good enough story. Ha ha, sorry bitch! 

After that last message, I blocked and reported johndolan1231 for spam. He bored me. 

Also, despite my comment, I don't think I'd dip my ass in gold at this point. My 45 year old ass is not something I want to immortalize. I mean it's okay, but not gold-worthy. Maybe my ass at 19. That was a good year for my ass. Actually, I think my ass peaked at 17, but since 17 is underage in most states, it's probably taboo to admit you'd want to preserve your underage ass in gold. Even though it was my own ass.

Come on, it's not sick if it's your own ass.