Duran Duran

"New Religion" 

New Year's Eve

1982

On the last day of 2014, may I present Duran Duran on the last day of 1982 at the Palladium in NYC. "New Religion" has always been one of my favorite classic Duran tunes, and it kicks ass live. I especially love the way John (bass) and Andy (guitar) play off one another. And of course there's Simon. He really knows how to shake his.....tambourines.

Excuse me sirs, can I bum a ride? 

NICE TO MEAT YOU

Now, run along and wipe that face off your head. You're getting rancid.

Last night my husband and I had his friend and colleague Bob over for dinner. I hadn't met Bob before, but we laughed and slapped a gleeful high-five when we discovered we were both vegetarian.

Let me clarify. There are a few sub-types of vegetarians. Bob is a pescatarian (no beef, pork, poultry, just fish). I am an ovo-lacto vegetarian. No beef, pork, poultry, fish, or anything in between. Occasionally I'll eat cheese made with vegetarian rennet, and sometimes cage-free, organic eggs (and I still love ice cream). If you want to get really specific, I don't eat anything with a face. 

Except for these guys. Yum!
(Source: Happiness is Cookies by Clawson Cookies.)

If this information makes you want to scream and punch a wall, that's fine by me. I'll admit--it is a bit confusing.

Related: I've lived all over Indiana, Minneapolis, Baton Rouge, and now Reno, NV. Over the last eighteen months, I've traveled to NYC (twice), and to Tulsa, OK (more than twice). 

Of the six locales mentioned above, can you guess where I was hassled for being a vegetarian? I'll give you a hint:

1. Indiana
2. Minneapolis 
3. Baton Rouge
4. Reno
5. NYC
6. Tulsa

Yes--my beloved, progressive, Earth Day-founding Minneapolis and the Seat of the Empire, A-#1, King of the Hill, top of the heap: New York, New York.

I'll back up a bit.

I grew up on the north side of Indianapolis, just blocks away from an adorable vegetarian restaurant called The Stillwater. 

I couldn't find a photo of The Stillwater, so here's a yearbook photo of Dave 
Letterman, graduate of Broad Ripple High School, class of '65. He looks like my Dad!

My mom took me to the Stillwater once when I was ten years old, and I was baffled by the concept of a meat-free menu. You see, I was raised on a very meat-ful menu, which was down to my father, a big Irishman who loved his meat, his potatoes, and sometimes sausage for dessert. To this day he still prefers corn beef, meatloaf, and pork chops, but won't touch chicken since he was raised in Illinois during the Great Depression, when chicken was all anyone could afford.

When I was away at boarding school during my teen years, I developed a taste for beef tacos from Taco Bell, Burger King Whoppers, Big Macs, and greasy pepperoni pizza--stuff I wasn't allowed to eat at home (my parents divorced in 1983 and I was mostly raised by my mom, a health nut who ate chicken, turkey, and a ton of veggies. She now eats fish and veggies). I gave up fast food at the age of twenty, but continued stuffing my face with processed meat products--frozen cheeseburgers, Italian sausage, and corn beef--well into my twenties. 

In 1995, when I was twenty-two years old, I got very sick and discovered that red meat made me projectile vomit. I couldn't even stand the smell or sight of it. It wasn't difficult for me to quit red meat. 

For the next two years, I ate only chicken (I never cared for turkey) and the odd vegetable. In mid-1997, I decided to try going vegetarian. It fit with my belief system (I'm a hardcore animal lover) and I knew it was healthier than fried chicken, the only meat product I found it hard to live without. The last time I ate meat of any sort was Labor Day, 1997. My last carnivorous meal was a half-order of white meat chicken from KFC. I thought "well, I might not be able to do this, but here goes nothing." 

To my surprise, I was able to quit meat altogether and I never looked back. In the last sixteen years, I've haven't had a craving for anything besides--again--fried chicken, and that was during my first year of being meat-free. I even found a healthier alternative: fried cauliflower. Same texture as chicken, wonderful when fried and breaded. It's still one of my favorite dishes ever, along with vegetable pakora. 

 Above: Fried cauliflower. It's de-lish.

       

In my mid-twenties (ca.1998), I had lunch with my Mom once a week (I miss that). She introduced me to India Garden in Broad Ripple, and I decided right then that I could probably live off nothing but their potato samosas, palak paneer, tikka masala, dal, Basmati rice, and, of course, vegetable pakora (pictured above).  

India Garden spoiled me for Indian food. I was unable to find an Indian restaurant in Minnesota that came close to their perfection. I couldn't even find anything comparable in England, either. India Garden is the BEST. The next-best curry house is a cute little restaurant in Baton Rouge called India's.

John and I have already found an Indian restaurant near downtown Reno, called India Kabob and Curry and it is YUM (still not as good as India Garden, but relatively close. And they have great pakora.)

Okay, wow. I never intended to write a food blog. That market is saturated, so now I'll just bitch about dumb things that were said to me in Minneapolis and NYC in regards to my vegetarian diet. 

The Minneapolis comments were made by acquaintances that I'm no longer in touch with. The NYC comments were those of an oddly curious waiter in Hell's Kitchen. 

I'll start with the Big Apple, then I'll take a bite out of the Mini Apple.

ON-DUTY WAITER: "You're a vegetarian? Oh my god, really? So...no turkey on Christmas?"

Oh hell no. As I mentioned, I was never fond of turkey, because turkey is prepared two different ways: Bone-dry (roasted) and slimy and wet (deli). I won't be having either, thanks.

I wish I could properly convey the astonishment in the guy's voice. He was a native English speaker, so there was no language barrier. And he waited tables in Manhattan, so he had to at least be familiar with the concept of vegetarianism. But he didn't act like it. In fact, he seemed utterly mystified, like I'd just told him I was a Roman Catholic nun and I loved the feel of old lady pantyhose against my skin. (I'm not. And I don't.)

MINNEAPOLIS, HALLOWEEN PARTY, 2009.

FRATTY-LOOKING "BRO" DUDE IN A TRUCKER HAT: 
"So, do you eat asparagus all day and then sit around and fart?"

Let me just blow your mind: I rarely need to make time in my schedule to sit around and fart. I can multi-task. I do like grilled asparagus, though.

FARMER'S MARKET, ST. PAUL, SOMEWHERE IN 2004

CUSTOMER: "Oh man, vegetarian? I could never do that. My grandfather was a proud truck farmer (or goat hoarder, or bullshit wrangler, or dog snatcher, or whatever)." 

Truck farming. Yep, that exists.

Good for grandpa. Sorry that you lack the mental resources to imagine a different lifestyle. Still, those trucks ain't gonna farm themselves....

THE GREEN ONION RESTAURANT, ST. PAUL OR MINNEAPOLIS, SOMETIME DURING PREMIER BUSH'S TENURE.

SOMEONE: "I wish I could be vegetarian. But I'm Latvian/German/Hungarian/Icelandic/Spanish/Brazillian/Italian and I need my meat."

Don't loan your meat out to anyone else, then. I'm Irish/English/Choctaw* and I will continue to eat whatever I damn well please, including (but not limited to) a metric shit-ton of kale.

*For years, I mistakenly believed that my maternal grandfather was Cherokee. It turned out that no, he was Choctaw. But he grew up in rural Oklahoma in the 1920's, a time when people didn't exactly broadcast their Indian heritage or care to know much about it. Unlike my dad's family, who will tell anyone who doesn't run away screaming all about the awesomeness of the Emerald Isle and its people. (I do love them Irish.)

SYNAGOGUE, ST. PAUL, 2005 (I worked in the admin office).

CONGREGANT: "No meat? Is that a religious thing? What are you, exactly?"

Ummmm....a Democrat?

MINNEAPOLIS, UPTOWN, MY APARTMENT, 2010:

ACQUAINTANCE #1 (EDITED FOR CONTENT): 
"Oh, I looooove meat. How can you not love meat? That's ridiculous because....BACON!"

Enjoy being an unpaid shill for the pork industry. I'm sure they appreciate your efforts.

MINNEAPOLIS, THEIR APARTMENT, 2010

ACQUAINTANCE #2 (APROPO OF NOTHING):

"Real girls eat meat!"

Congratulations. You're in fine company. Check it out: 

Go cram a cheeseburger in your head, dipdouche.

I just need to stop and have a mild rant here. What's with the T-shirt manufacturer's creepy aversion to the word "women"? "Real girls" sounds all underage and icky. It's probably from Abercrombie and Fitch, proud proprietors of all things underage and icky. 

Sadly enough, the bizarre comments I've listed here are just the tip of the iceberg. I'm still perplexed that I heard brain barf like this from randoms in one of the coolest cities I've ever seen. Also, 95% of the people I knew in the Twin Cities: friends, neighbors, countrymen, urban cowgirls, etc. were--naturally--open, sympathetic, and usually vegetarians themselves. 

The rest of 'em got more brains in their stomachs than in they heads.  

NOTE: Thanks to my John for coining the term "dipdouche" when we were out in traffic the other day. I just felt privileged to be in the presence of the original Master of Brookovian Wit when he spontaneously busted out a new drollery, one that he doesn't mind me borrowing when the situation calls for it (see above).

And all I gotta do is act naturally....

Jo and me filming in Times Square, producers and crew in background.

Hey kids, I'm going to be on the teevee again! I was in NYC last week filming a segment for 20/20 about "The Great Simon Reid Smackdown". ABC News flew Jo, Nicola and me (Laura had work obligations, unfortunately) to NYC where we were interviewed by Nick Watt and filmed a bunch of B-roll (filler footage like walking down the street, typing on a laptop, etc.).

Me and Nicola.

I had a fabulous time, the producers and the crew were awesome and I think our interview went very well. 

Some of the highlights: 

• The awesome loft where we shot the interview. It's a space owned by an artist called Jacques, who rents it out to ABC to use for interviews. I chatted with Jacques on the set and he said that ABC liked filming here because it was located in a quiet (for Manhattan, anyway) residential street and any famous people they interviewed could come and go without a lot of people and paparazzi bothering them. I asked who'd been in there recently and Jacques mentioned Justin Bieber, Madonna, Bono, and Beyonce. There was this amazing spread of food laid out: fresh fruit, exotic cheeses, raw veggies, and cookies and pastries that Jacques said he'd made himself (we couldn't figure out if he was joking about doing all the baking, but either way, those chocolate cupcakes kicked ass!). I asked him if he lived there and he said no, he had a separate residence close by. He said that this loft isn't really livable, because it's too hard to sleep in a big open space like that. He said, "People started out as cave dwellers, you know. We're meant to be in a cozy space when we sleep." I honestly don't know if I'd have trouble living and sleeping in that huge fabulous loft, but...um...I'd totally be willing to try it out. You know, as an experiment. The celebrities could come in and just film around me. I'd let them.

Jacques in his loft. Seriously, the place is awesome.

• The interview was fun. I was nervous because we had to do our own hair and makeup (while being filmed! I hope they don't use that particular B-roll....) and they had to shut the air conditioner off when we did the interview because of the background noise. As a consequence, Nick (the correspondent) and I had to take frequent breaks so someone could run over with tissues and powder to keep the sheen from our faces (I was soooo grateful for that, as it was about 90 degrees that day!). During one of our breaks I told Nick that I didn't know how men could wear suits and jackets in this type of weather, and I was grateful to be able to wear light dresses and sandals in the summer. Nick said that he was glad he was a guy because he couldn't cope with all the "fuss" women had to deal with just to get ready in the morning. (Whatever, I'm still glad I'm a chick!) 

UPDATED -- Better, less blurry shot of me on set (thanks Nicola!).

• Nick was great, by the way. He asked interesting questions and kept the tone fairly light (I have no idea how it will be edited). They interviewed me first, then brought Jo and Nicola in and filmed them together, then did some of it with all three of us. We kept cracking up at Nick's reactions to some of the lies Simon told us; I mean, now that I have enough distance from that train wreck of a relationship (and I think this is true for Jo, Nicola and Laura as well) a lot of it just seems so funny, some of the crap that Simon fed us all. I hope they do show some of the lighter side, because it was pretty humorous.

Jo, Nicola and Nick discussing British stuff.

• The producers that we worked with, Alison Lynn and Emily Whipp, were fabulous. Emily took us to lunch the day of the filming and then paid for massages for us before we went in to film the interview. Then after filming wrapped Alison and Emily took the three of us to dinner at Bar Americain, where we got 5-star service (Alison has connections!). They were both so generous and professional and I was lucky to get to work with him (same goes for the crew and Nick as well!)

Dinner at Bar Americain.

• OF COURSE the best part was getting to hang with Jo and Nicola, (I'm still bummed that Laura couldn't make it...but hopefully we'll have more opportunities to fly to NYC). We had a great time. The girls entertained me with stories about their love lives and I made them laugh with my pathetic attempts at an English accent (seriously, I can't do an English accent to save my ass--something you'd think I'd have mastered by now. Thanks to my boyfriend John I've been able to imitate a reasonable approximation of a Manchester accent, but it still needs a lot of work). 

My boyfriend John in the 80's. Voted "Sexiest Mancunian Alive."

Our original air date was this Friday, June 22, but they've pushed it back to June 29 because Rielle Hunter decided this was her week to grant 20/20 an interview so she could make us all gag with tales of her sex life with John Edwards. (I'm joking--of course I'm incredibly thankful for the experience of going on 20/20. Still, why did it have to be Rielle freaking Hunter who bumped us?).

And while I'm at it, I don't understand the fascination with the Edwards/Hunter thing, it's just another greasy politician caught in a sex scandal. I mean, I guess the details of this one are particularly horrific--Edwards cheating on cancer-stricken wife, impregnating the mistress, then denying the kid was his---yeah, all pretty gross. But I still don't find it all that surprising or interesting. The Rielle Hunter I'm interested in hearing about is the 1980's version, back when she was called Lisa Jo Druck and served as the inspiration for the protagonist in Jay McInerney's Story of My Life, which was my favorite novel for a while when I was in my early 20's. (In fact, I think it was everyone's favorite novel in their early 20's.) Really, that's the Rielle Hunter I want to know more about, because that version kicked ass. She may have been a poor(er) man's Paris Hilton in reality, but in the novel she was hilarious. Seriously, read the book if you never have; I think it's aged pretty well for the most part.

Oh, and while I'm talking novels, let me just take a minute and plug mine to get that out of the way....

Available on Kindle (also on non-Kindles)

Back to Simon Reid stuff: I'm also excited to announce that our story will be the subject of an episode of Who the Bleep? (formerly Who the Bleep Did I Marry?) which will air on the Investigation Discovery network (or "I.D. Channel", as they're called). It's going to be awesome and I will post more details as I get them.

Check back regularly and often for more updates. Oh, and watch our 20/20 episode on June 29th!

     

****UPDATE JUNE 2026****

Got a Simon tip/sighting? Email simonreidtips@gmail.com

Ready for some META?

This blog post helped to bring Simon Reid to justice. I wrote that angry rant about discovering Simon's deception nearly three years ago, in August of 2008. This was at the tail end of a bout of crippling depression where I could barely be arsed to get out of bed. And I didn't know this at the time, but Simon had fled to England and was already at work on a new relationship with an Englishwoman called Jo. After feeding her some of the same lies and then running for the hills--taking with him thousands of pounds he'd "borrowed" from her--Jo googled Simon's name and found my blog, then contacted me. I offered her my condolences and told her I'd be willing to help however I could. I didn't hear anything more about his UK exploits until last summer, when Nicola and Laura--two of Simon's latest conquests--also found my blog. They were understandably concerned, as they were both currently in a relationship with the bastard.

And then the women decided to do something AWESOME.

Jo, Nicola, Laura, and a fourth woman (who has declined to be interviewed in the press) invited Simon over to Laura's house, where they were all waiting to question him...along with a journalist friend brandishing a video camera. They gave him a wicked little "surprise" party, then sat him down so they could grill him for four hours (God I'd LOVE to see that entire video!). At the end of it all the women called the police, and--long story short, Simon Reid is in jail in the UK for 30 months after pleading guilty to two counts of fraud.

The week that Simon was carted off to the slammer, the story absolutely BLEW UP in the British tabloids. Jo, Nicola, and Laura gave interviews and appeared on the UK breakfast television show This Morning before flying out to NYC to appear on The Today Show with Yours Truly so we could all tell our story.


I know--crazy, right?

Anyhoo, I had a fabulous time in NYC, and it was awesome to meet the three of them. We hit it off right away (Jo, Laura, Nicola, and Kate, who was along for the ride) and we had a blast shopping and sight-seeing in Manhattan. The moral of this story? Simon Reid still sucks, but I've met some lovely new friends because of him. I guess every cloud does have a silver lining, even a dark, toxic, polluted cloud of a human being like Simon Reid.

I posted the Today Show video shortly after returning from my trip (it's no longer available online--BOO!) but here are some other links to the story that are still live.

Article from The Daily Mail (Alan Partridge's favorite newspaper!):

Shout-out to Maggie Flecknoe, pop culture commentator, stage and voice actress (and fierce Texas chick!). This is Maggie's take on our story:

Damn, what a whirlwind! SO yeah...things have been happening. It's all good though!

In spite of it all...
Thanks, That Was Fun

Maine Monument, Central Park.

And coming soon...a REAL blog post! With words and everything!

At the John Lennon memorial in Central Park.

Laura gets her portrait sketched in Central Park.

In the lobby of the ridiculously glamorous Essex House NYC (our hotel!).

Sexy face!



Stuck in an elevator at The Essex House. It was awesome, especially the free dinner the hotel paid for to placate us after our ordeal. Score!

Me and the girls on the Today Show, 17 March 2011 discussing Simon Reid!

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