Hey, remember when I wrote about that odd little half-remembered Christian cartoon from my childhood called Jot? Well, apparently "Jot" means something really filthy in parts of the Indian subcontinent, because my innocent little post attracted a total of 63 comments from spambots hawking Bangalore escorts, Mumbai prostitutes, and the like. Yeah, I know. Third world spammers saw my musings on a wholesome children's show about an animated ping-pong ball learning lessons about Jesus and thought THAT was an appropriate venue to peddle their prostitution whores? 

SINNERS! You defile Jot, you defile Jesus, and now God is pissed. 

"You're going to hell, you blasphemous dickbags!"

Good thing I didn't write about Davey and Goliath. Who knows what sort of  unholy smut that would attract? 

Oh the humanity!

FUN FACT! Did you know that Davey and Goliath was made by Art Clokey, the same dude who created Gumby? Personally I always found D+G a bit creepy, but Gumby? Shit, Gumby rules! I love me some Gumby!

via GIPHY

An original from my own collection: 

Don't judge! Bendable figurines have needs just like the rest of us.

#sexpositive

Anyhoo, what really cheesed me off about all the spam that Jot post attracted was the time I had to spend going and deleting every comment individually. The bright side was, I did come across some comments that were amusing enough to use for blog fodder. Here are a few (BTW I removed all the hyperlinks, so your computer won't catch herpes): 

Y'ALL READY FOR THIS?

• My name is Nayra, I am a young Escort from Kanpur. I am tall, slender, and dress fashionably. I really love men. I don‘t care how yo look like or how old you are. If you are a real gentleman and you are polite, courteous and have very clean cleanliness I will give you the best time of your life.

Pictured: Nayra. Tall, slender, dress fashionably, and really loves men? 

Technically true, I suppose. Except for the "dress fashionably" bit. 

• I am a final graduate, i am having one week of holiday so i came here to Singapore. I have just arrived to Singapore this morning. I am now staying in a hotel in the central, i am looking forward to meet up with you all and have some good wild sex together.

Incidentally, the posting above had links advertising "Nagpur Escorts." Nagpur is not Singapore. 

Pictured: Not Singapore.

Like Miss Vanessa Williams, I went and saved the best for last:

• Our independent bangalore escorts are fully taught and perfect define entertainers. They are so beautiful and gracious than any other woman you have square with. How many men have bravery to deal all these things in this busy daily life? Now a day 19s woman always cheats their partner and treats them weakly. And these all are reason of a divide. Many of man who was dating with this kind of woman can tell you the story of tears, cry and sadness.

Wait a minute.

Am I crazy, or are those last two sentences sort of.....poetic?

And these all 

are reason 

of a divide. 

Many of man 

who was dating  

with this kind of woman

 can tell you 

the story. 

Of tears, 

cry 

and sadness.

via GIPHY

Whew, well at least I was able to make some art out of that annoying spam.

SPAM-A-LOT!

Ever since I've made commenting available on Praxis, I've been getting the most delightful, cracked-out spam messages ever. Naturally, they are marked as undesirable and quickly dispatched to the great spam folder in the sky. But I did make a point to salvage a few of the more amusing ones before sending them off into the ether and I've submitted today for your approval, along with my comments. 

FROM: spanish lessons free advanced

MESSAGE: I do consider all the ideas you have presented on your post. They're very
convincing and will definitely work. Still, the posts are very quick for novices. Could you
please lengthen them a bit from subsequent time? Thank you for the post.

Well, that's nice. Constructive feedback is always helpful. I'll try to slow down the pace of my posts for the novices in my audience, but I can't promise anything. To paraphrase the esteemed philosopher Bueller: "Life moves pretty fast. Try to keep up, chumps."

___________________

FROM: Aissam

MESSAGE: We are a bunch of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community. Your web site offered us with valuable info to work on. You have done a formidable process
and our whole neighborhood shall be thankful to you.

Thank you Aissam! It's nice to see a little gratitude for my efforts. 

____________

FROM: skin allergies

MESSAGE: Hi there,  You've done an excellent job. I’ll definitely digg it and personally
recommend to my friends. I am sure they'll be benefited from this blog, because the
article provided, is fantastic specially topics about skin allergies. Thank you.

"Skin allergies"? What article were you reading, exactly? And while we're on the "topic," 
what in the holy hell do you suppose they put in Ivory soap that makes my skin break out in disgusting itchy hives? I'm serious. Ivory soap is some evil shit!

________________

FROM: Iraqi Dinar (!)

MESSAGE: I truly appreciate this post. I've been seeking everywhere for this! Thank 

goodness I located it on Google. You have created my day! Thx once more.

No thx necessary. Creating days is what I do.

___________

FROM: escorts (!!!)

MESSAGE: I delight in, cause I found exactly what I used to be having a look for. You have
ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye

No, God Bless you, man. 

___________

FROM: a quick way to lose weight

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*By the way, that goes for the lot of you.