Women of America?
Stop fucking this dipshit. 

Bagging a Kennedy might look impressive on paper, girls, but let's be real. For every John-John in that family, there are at least a dozen asshats like alleged rapist William Kennedy Smith, Michael Kennedy, who shtupped his teenage babysitter and died skiing into a tree playing football with a water bottle, and now that fuckhead RFK Jr. 

Don't think I'm knocking the entire Kennedy family, by the way. I'm cool with the decent ones in that clan. It's just that--as with most old school Irish Catholics--they breed like rabbits, and when you have that many kids, you're gonna have a fair amount of fuck-ups in the mix.

The weird thing is, I actually saw RFK Jr. speak back in 2003, a few months before I moved to Minnesota. I got together with some of my work friends from the Indianapolis Art Center and we all walked over to Park Tudor, a ritzy private school just up the street from IAC, where Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was giving a talk about a clean water initiative he was heading up at the time. (I did manage to find at least one article about this speaking tour from way back when.) My friends and I were all young, idealistic Democrat women excited by the prospect of seeing one of the Kennedy scions speak on the environment, a cause we were all passionate about. I don't actually remember a lot about the talk he gave, other than thinking that RFK Jr. wasn't a real dynamic speaker, but then again it was a pretty lowkey event in a small auditorium. One thing that does stick out in my memory is that about ten minutes into his speech, RFK suddenly stopped and said that the stage lights were hot and he needed to take off his sweater. It was awkward to watch him silently struggle out of this big thick sweater he was wearing, but it also humanized him. His lack of polish was sort of refreshing.   

The question is, was he just as batshit back then, and nobody knew? I mean, what a weird journey from environmental crusader to the Trump supporting, roadkill collecting, anti-vaxxer conspiracy theorist he is now. 

I haven't even been able to read about his dead animal fetish, stuff like that is just way too disturbing for me and I don't want to know. The anti-vaxxer thing just makes him a delusional moron, as does his association with Trump. In fact, there was just so much bizarre bullshit coming out about RFK that when the Olivia Nuzzi story broke, it was almost a relief. Like, oh--just an old-fashioned political sex scandal! For once, the guy does something normal.  

I admit it, I'm nervous as hell about the 2024 election. As optimistic as I try to be, I have PTSD from 2016 and I don't assume for a minute that the Democrats have this all sewn up. I'm hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. That's why I'm grateful to RFK Jr's "digital affair" with Nuzzi for lightening the mood. (Seriously, am I the only one who thought for a split second that "digital affair" meant that they were caught sticking their fingers in each other? Apparently it just means they exchanged beaver shots and dick pics....not that I believe it stopped there, but whatever.)  

Now Olivia Nuzzi has been sacked from New York magazine and is accusing her ex Ryan Lizza of blackmail, RFK Jr. is claiming the whole brouhaha was a Fatal Attraction-type thing and Nuzzi just couldn't keep away from his geriatric penis, and Cheryl Hines is leaking stories to People magazine about a possible divorce (yeah, she's not going anywhere), and I'm just enjoying the whole shitshow. I say, keep it coming! 

     

TOTS AND PEARS, RUSH! 

Well, we all learned a valuable lesson last week when Kobe Bryant decided he was too important to drive in LA traffic: if a rich male celebrity of a certain caliber buys the farm in a "tragic" manner, the great unwashed are absolutely not to bring up details that paint a less than saintly picture of the recently deceased. I mean seriously people, have you no decency? THE MAN HAD DAUGHTERS FOR FUCK SAKE!!! THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING!!! 

So I'll go ahead and say this now instead of later: Rush Limbaugh is a rancid piece of shit. See, he's still alive, so I can say that. 

I never listened to Rush Limbaugh, but I know enough about his type of "humor." Here's a little taste. 

WARNING: the following footage features acres of horrific early 90's hair, JC Penney Botany 500 suits, and the fugliest ties you ever did see. Viewer discretion is advised.

I won't talk about Rush Limbaugh calling 12-year-old Chelsea Clinton a dog, because everybody already knows about that. And you probably also know how he referred to Michelle Obama as "Moo-chelle," and Barack as "the Magical Negro," and how hilarious he thought it was when someone famous died of AIDS, playing Dionne Warwick's "I Know I'll Never Love This Way Again," when announcing the news of their deaths? Yes? And I personally give a whole SHITLOAD of credence to the rumor that Rush is a closeted queen, a rumor that has been around so long that I think it can safely be called an open secret by now. And don't even try to argue that he can't be gay, because no gay man would have such execrable taste in interior design and this monstrosity PROVES that he's straight because no, that's a fallacy. There are gay men with bad taste. I'm from the Midwest, I know. They exist. Loudly and proudly. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

And I don't believe that Elton John* playing at Rush's last wedding is proof that Rush is gay, any more than I believe that Rush marrying a woman proves that he's straight. You feel me? It's all just hearsay. But when those sort of rumors come out about a hypocritical Oxy-snorting right-wing radio hack who goes out of his way to mock and demean the LGBT community, well then.......you know. It gives one pause.

*Note: Elton John playing Rush's wedding is also not proof that Elton is friendly with Rush or that he condones Rush's nasty homophobic rhetoric. What it does mean is that Rush paid Elton John a million dollars to perform at his wedding, and also that Elton John is a whore. (C'mon now I like Elton, but seriously. Does he really need money that badly?) 

So then, FORGIVE ME PLEASE if I can't muster up any sympathy for Rush Limbaugh. I'm SO FUCKING SORRY, but I just can't. Maybe you can. If so, good for you. 

Lastly, you know the best thing about Malaria presenting Rush Limbaugh with the Presidential Medal of Freedom?

Save your prayers, asshole. God don't want 'em.   

That it was completely overshadowed by this event:

via GIPHY

On a related note, does this mean that the Democratic party is finally growing a pair? Dare I dream? 

via GIPHY