I've been scribbling notes regarding the Charlie Kirk brouhaha for the past month or so, wondering if it's actually worth posting about. I mean, what more is there to say about a toxic potato-headed white nationalist whose claim to fame was spreading christofascist bullshit and "debating" "woke" college students? (BTW, let me state for the record that I'm not happy the guy was murdered. Even a toxic potato-headed white nationalist is a thinking, feeling, sentient being.* Even though Kirk himself considered the mass slaughter of schoolchildren and civilians acceptable losses, just as long as his precious Second Amendment was upheld, and even though Kirk enthusiastically supported the idea of televised public executions. Regardless of what he said and did, I'm not in favor of him getting shot. I'm not in favor of shooting anyone--human or animal--because I am not a member of a rightwing gun-loving death cult. Just to be absolutely fucking clear.) So yeah, I'd pretty much decided to leave it alone.

And then Erikkka Kirk and JD Vance had to go viral with their public grope sesh. Suddenly, the whole saga became way too entertaining to resist. 

 

And don't forget the pleather crotch-cutters. MAGA women are KLASSY!

I am so perversely grateful to these two grifters. Amid the day-to-day horrors of life under this filthy, feral, farcical, fascist administration--FINALLY---they (inadvertently) give us something good. 

I was searching so many JD/EK memes that the YouTube algorithm eventually busted me, and I got an ad for Turning Point USA (TPUSA.....hahahahahaha) popping up in my feed. I reported the ad, but having never reported an ad before, I didn't know it would make me come up with a reason for objecting to it. I ended up going with "It contains sexual content." 

Ooooh, I won't be able to undo the complaint! Guess I'll have to live with it. Although, as someone often (unironically) accused of being a brazen hussy in my youth, I wish I'd worded it differently. I don't object to Turning Point USA because I'm offended that Erikkka Kirk and Jaydine are obviously fucking. As I said, I am completely in favor of their affair, even if all that comes out of it are entertaining memes and (hopefully) a future South Park storyline. I am offended by the existence of hateful rightwing money-laundering organizations like TPUSA. 

The abbreviation is appropriate, however. 

 The MAGA crowd just makes it so easy, you know?

*Allegedly.

TOTS AND PEARS, RUSH! 

Well, we all learned a valuable lesson last week when Kobe Bryant decided he was too important to drive in LA traffic: if a rich male celebrity of a certain caliber buys the farm in a "tragic" manner, the great unwashed are absolutely not to bring up details that paint a less than saintly picture of the recently deceased. I mean seriously people, have you no decency? THE MAN HAD DAUGHTERS FOR FUCK SAKE!!! THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING!!! 

So I'll go ahead and say this now instead of later: Rush Limbaugh is a rancid piece of shit. See, he's still alive, so I can say that. 

I never listened to Rush Limbaugh, but I know enough about his type of "humor." Here's a little taste. 

WARNING: the following footage features acres of horrific early 90's hair, JC Penney Botany 500 suits, and the fugliest ties you ever did see. Viewer discretion is advised.

I won't talk about Rush Limbaugh calling 12-year-old Chelsea Clinton a dog, because everybody already knows about that. And you probably also know how he referred to Michelle Obama as "Moo-chelle," and Barack as "the Magical Negro," and how hilarious he thought it was when someone famous died of AIDS, playing Dionne Warwick's "I Know I'll Never Love This Way Again," when announcing the news of their deaths? Yes? And I personally give a whole SHITLOAD of credence to the rumor that Rush is a closeted queen, a rumor that has been around so long that I think it can safely be called an open secret by now. And don't even try to argue that he can't be gay, because no gay man would have such execrable taste in interior design and this monstrosity PROVES that he's straight because no, that's a fallacy. There are gay men with bad taste. I'm from the Midwest, I know. They exist. Loudly and proudly. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

And I don't believe that Elton John* playing at Rush's last wedding is proof that Rush is gay, any more than I believe that Rush marrying a woman proves that he's straight. You feel me? It's all just hearsay. But when those sort of rumors come out about a hypocritical Oxy-snorting right-wing radio hack who goes out of his way to mock and demean the LGBT community, well then.......you know. It gives one pause.

*Note: Elton John playing Rush's wedding is also not proof that Elton is friendly with Rush or that he condones Rush's nasty homophobic rhetoric. What it does mean is that Rush paid Elton John a million dollars to perform at his wedding, and also that Elton John is a whore. (C'mon now I like Elton, but seriously. Does he really need money that badly?) 

So then, FORGIVE ME PLEASE if I can't muster up any sympathy for Rush Limbaugh. I'm SO FUCKING SORRY, but I just can't. Maybe you can. If so, good for you. 

Lastly, you know the best thing about Malaria presenting Rush Limbaugh with the Presidential Medal of Freedom?

Save your prayers, asshole. God don't want 'em.   

That it was completely overshadowed by this event:

via GIPHY

On a related note, does this mean that the Democratic party is finally growing a pair? Dare I dream? 

via GIPHY

ADVENTURES IN SCAM BAITING, PART IV:

007 WILL RETURN IN....
 GOLDENASS

This hopeful suitor contacted me over Christmas. I guess scammers don't take holidays! It's a 24/7 kind of job, ya'll. Anyhoo, here's how it went for him.

Above: no, I don't live in Vegas, but I do live in Reno. Reno is about eight hours north of Vegas, actually, but I'm still thousands of miles closer to Vegas than johndolan1231, who's likely sitting in a one room shanty in Lagos, staring into a stolen iPhone screen and fingering his prostate.

I've visited Vegas many times and I'm pretty familiar with the city by now, so I tried to get him to say where in the city he lived. Since he obviously doesn't know anything about Vegas and probably couldn't even point out the US on a map, he tries to evade the question by telling me that Las Vegas is in Nevada.  

Below: ah of course! He's a doctor, and he's working in Spain. A lot of these assclowns claim to either be from Spain or working there in some noble profession like medicine. I don't know what that's about. He probably couldn't pick out Spain on a map, either.

He also dodges the question about his private Instagram account. They ALL have private Instagram accounts. 

As soon as I mention my lavish lifestyle, johndolan1231 suddenly has an urgent need to chat with me on Google Hangout. I plead ignorance. 

Oh yeah, I went back to that Rowsdower/Kavanaugh trope "Do you like beer?" I know, I need new material. I'm working on it.

Our convo goes on for a little bit...

Below: He "won'ts" a relationship, and he's trolling women on Instagram to find love. Yes, this guy is 100% a jet-setting doctor. Totally. 

This is the point where I drop the ass-dipping-in-gold bullshit on him. It's something I pulled out of my ass--figuratively speaking--while messaging with johndolan1231. I vaguely remembered reading about some brouhaha with a female celebrity dipping her ass in gold, so I Googled it and discovered that Lady Gaga, that lovable scamp, did it a few years back for a photo shoot with icky perv Terry Richardson (ugh, why has that fuckface not been MeToo-ed into oblivion by now?). 

I think johndolan1231 must have thought I was a dream come true: a tacky rich American who spends money on ridiculously useless shit like golden ass-dipping would probably be naive enough to send him hundreds of thousands of dollars if he came up with a good enough story. Ha ha, sorry bitch! 

After that last message, I blocked and reported johndolan1231 for spam. He bored me. 

Also, despite my comment, I don't think I'd dip my ass in gold at this point. My 45 year old ass is not something I want to immortalize. I mean it's okay, but not gold-worthy. Maybe my ass at 19. That was a good year for my ass. Actually, I think my ass peaked at 17, but since 17 is underage in most states, it's probably taboo to admit you'd want to preserve your underage ass in gold. Even though it was my own ass.

Come on, it's not sick if it's your own ass.  

I'm sick of thinking about politics. I'm sick of talking about politics. So instead of writing about politics, here's a photo that sums up my feelings:

BREAKING: VIOLENT SELF-RIGHTEOUS ASSHOLES 

BEHAVE LIKE VIOLENT SELF-RIGHTEOUS ASSHOLES

Note: This is NOT a rant against transgender people. I support transgender causes and I believe that trans people have the right to live safely and freely as the gender they feel themselves to be. I also have transgender friends in Minneapolis, and could not imagine any of them aligning themselves with trolls like the ones who apparently comprise this GAG group. Furthermore, I don't believe the people who staged this protest--particularly the "very tall, loud person" described below--are actually transgender. I believe the group that put on this pathetic display at the Vancouver Women's Library is not a genuine part of the transgender community. In fact, it would appear that GAG is nothing more than a dangerous fringe group; basically the secular equivalent of the Westboro Baptist Church. Like the WBC, GAG seems to be a bunch of idiotic, rage-filled trolls who get their jollies by behaving like fascist bullies.
******************************************************************************

The Vancouver Women's Library--a volunteer-run feminist organization dedicated to promoting and continuing the legacy of women-run bookstores, presses and libraries--were met with a group of hostile protesters at their official opening on Friday, February 3. According to Guerilla Feminist Collective, "the protesters held signs and shouted at people entering the space. They poured wine over the books. They smoked inside when asked not to. They pulled the fire alarm. Some of them tried to bar--then pushed--women entering the space. As far as we saw, men were left alone to come and go as they pleased." (That last sentence, as you'll see, is rather telling.)

So who the hell were these protesters? Hateful alt-right activists? Nazis? MRA's? Nope. The protesters who showed up at the library to disrupt the opening, threaten (female) patrons and destroy property were members of a group of queer activists who call themselves GAG--"Gays Against Gentrification." 

Image taken from feministcurrent.com
Destroying books? Seriously? That is some Hitler-level shit right there.

One of the library's patrons took a video of these destructive little pukes, and posted it online. The video was available up until Saturday 2/11, but it has mysteriously disappeared from Vimeo as of Sunday 2/12. (Gee, wonder who was responsible for that?) Luckily, the excellent blog Butterflies and Wheels provided a detailed description* of what went down. BTW, I watched the video when it was still up, and I found the play-by-play below to be 100% accurate.

FYI....the "very tall loud person" referenced several times in the description below is (reportedly) a GAG "activist" named J---- ehrm, make that "Mason Biatch." Yes, I fumbled his name a bit because I don't want him googling himself and finding his way here. I have an intense hatred of trolls and will not stand for their shit on my blog.

The hat-less person underneath the yellow sign? Yeah. THAT ONE.
Also, lying on the floor towards the bottom left side of the pic,
you can see the poster that he ripped off the wall.

A description of the protest (from Butterflies and Wheels):

The very tall loud person tears down a poster, and several people cry “Get out!” The very tall loud person does not get out.

About 2:40 The person with bangs next to the very tall loud person says “No SWERFs! No TERFs!” 

The very tall loud person immediately shouts “NO FUCKING TERFS in this FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD.”

At this point talk becomes general, and less shouty…until at 3:00 the very tall loud person says with loud emphasis “BECAUSE WE DON’T WANT YOU IN OUR FUCKING SPACES.”

Women from the library gather in front of the very tall loud person (who looms over them) and the very tall loud person shouts at them.

At about 3:45 the very tall loud person bellows at them “NO YOU’RE ATTACKING THE WRONG FUCKING PEOPLE.”

The conversation goes on, mostly centered on the very tall loud person. Whenever very tall loud person talks louder (which is often), TLP also flails an arm up and down for emphasis – and, perhaps, for intimidation. That may be unconscious, or it may not.

About 4:40 – again with the very tall loud person shouting and flailing the hand up and down, inches from the face of one of the library women. No, I don’t think that can be unconscious.

5:12 the very tall loud person shouts into a woman’s face: “I’M A WOMAN.”

Okay, the very tall loud person says at the beginning “as a trans person” and a bit later “you said I’m not a real woman.”

At 5:12 the very tall loud person spells it out (by shouting into a woman’s face). But here’s the thing: the trans woman is carrying on exactly like an angry entitled bullying man with no scruples about bullying women. The trans woman is carrying on like Donald Trump. Isn’t it interesting how this particular kind of “activism” apparently functions as permission for large people with loud voices to do that? Isn’t it interesting that this “woman” has zero inhibitions about using typically male advantages of size and voice volume to bully and berate women? 

*The full account of the video is available here --
http://www.butterfliesandwheels.org/2017/activism-in-action/)

As if that hideous display wasn't enough, the same half-wit thugs came back a week later and spray painted anti-feminist slurs on the building that houses the Vancouver Women's Library. 

More details here: Vancouver Illiteracy Project

This "GAG" group is trying to argue that they aren't welcome in "feminist spaces" because they're transgender (again, I call bullshit on any of them even being transgender). The truth is that they make themselves unwelcome by acting like violent, misogynistic dickheads. And people who act like that should be not be welcome anywhere.

In the words of a commenter on B and W:

"Wouldn’t everyone benefit from more places serving under-served or vulnerable groups? Go start your own! How does it make sense to bully the people (i.e. The Vancouver Women's Library) who created something because they didn’t create it to your specifications?"

WORD. Transgender libraries should exist. Transgender spaces should exist. Additionally, if a hateful little fringe group like "GAG" wants to start its own library, they should fucking GO DO IT. But they should not be allowed to vandalize a building, destroy its books, and act all confrontational and intimidating towards peaceful feminists. I'll say it once more, with feeling: Trolls like the ones who make up "GAG" should not be welcome in feminist spaces, or anywhere else. They sure as hell have no place in my world. 

And "Mason Biatch" can go fuck himself sideways.

NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN

And before you assume that I'm just a typical "librul" who's going to blame the Orlando massacre on the NRA and guns....well, it's not that simple. Yes, I hate guns and the NRA and--perhaps most of all--the NRA-fellating politicians who made yet another mass shooting possible, but my hate doesn't stop there. I hate Omar Mateen with the fire of a thousand suns, and I don't know why people act like you can't be against the religious fanatics AND the gun-fuckers. See, I can hate both: radical extremists who kill in the name of their shitty backwards medieval ideologies (and I'm not only talking about Muslim extremists here; ever hear of a murderous little Christian cuntrag called Eric Rudolph?) and I--as always--despise Wayne LaPierre and ALL of his whores in Washington who issue statements sending "thoughts and prayers" to victims of mass shootings (HEY ASSHOLES, WE'RE NOT PAYING YOU TO "PRAY"!) while doing absolutely not a goddamn thing at all because there's nothing more important than that sweet, sweet gun lobby money.

But again, I want to assure all my fellow tree-hugging liberal types that it's perfectly fine to hate that (now dead) festering hemorrhoid named Omar Mateen. Really, it's okay. Look at the facts and tell me you can't hate his nasty, selfie-obsessed troglodyte ass:

• He was a sociopathic bully in elementary school 
• He was a wife beater
• He was a racist
• He was a homophobe (and probably closeted)
• He claimed to sympathize with ISIS, Hezbollah, AND Al Qaeda, which meant that....
• He was not only a religious extremist, he didn't even understand that these groups are all opposed to one another, meaning...
• He was a huge fucking moron 

Okay, being a moron isn't as bad as being an abusive, racist, homophobic religious extremist murderer, but I'm really sick of stupid people, even though stupid people aren't inherently evil (usually).

Now, let me issue my own statement to All-American Joe Gun-Fucker who's worried that this Mooslim shooter is going to spoil all the fun for him and the rest of his buddies at the rifle range: 

Dear Joe, 

Rest assured, Obama (unfortunately) does not want to take your guns. But I do. Yes, this little peace-loving, tree-hugging feminist hippie wants to take that AR-15 assault rifle you love so much and help you to "know" that instrument of death in a Biblical way, specifically by shoving it sideways up your poopshaft and forcing you to sing Lady Gaga's "I Like It Rough" at the top of your lungs. 

Then, you will recite the following statements with that loaded weapon buried deep inside your rectum: 

"Feel the Bern!"

"Black Lives Matter!" 

"Donald Trump Blows Goats!"

After that intimate experience, you will no longer have time to worry about the libruls taking away your guns. In fact, after the surgical removal of said weapon from your love canal, you will be too busy nursing your prolapsed anus for the rest of your natural life to trouble your simple little mind with issues of gun legislation. But look at the upside: You get to spend the remainder of your days in bed watching Duck Dynasty! 

  

See, everybody wins! 

I leave you with these truths, which I hold to be self-evident, that all gun-loving psychos are pretty much created equal.....

  

****UPDATE JUNE 2026****

Got a Simon tip/sighting? Email simonreidtips@gmail.com

SIMON REID: 

STILL A LYING LIAR WHO LIES

Remember this asshole?

Note: I wrote this up a few months ago, but since then I've been so consumed with our move (hello, Utah!) that it got shelved for a bit. However, today--June 6--happens to be Simon Reid's birthday, so what a perfect time to post this, no? This date has stuck in my head not for sentimental reasons, but for how apropos it is that this sociopath was unleashed upon the world on 6/6/66. Not only does he bear the mark of the beast, he is the beast.  

After all these years, I still get numerous comments and emails regarding my original Simon Reid post from way back in 2008. Most of the messages are along the lines of "Saw your story on TV, glad you guys nailed that dickweed," etc, but a lot of them--especially over the past year--have been people checking in to report their own encounters with Simon.

According to the latest scoop, Simon Reid is now living in Spain and hanging out with British and American tourists hiking the Camino de Santiago, which is a Catholic pilgrimage-type trail that winds through part of Spain. Apparently Martin Sheen made a movie about it a few years back, and the trail has seen a surge in visitors since then.

Anyhoo, the first I heard about Simon's Spanish exploits was when I got an email last summer from a very nice young couple in Texas who had just returned from Spain, where they'd hiked the Camino trail and spent some time hanging out with a friendly Brit named Simon Reid who claimed to be a "retired surgeon" (hahahahahahaha--oh, my sides) who had come to the Camino trail to connect with his spiritual side, or something. He had a woman with him, of course, but the nature of their relationship was unclear. (From what the Texas couple said, I got that this was yet another girlfriend Simon was stringing along.) For authentication, they attached a photo of themselves posing with Simon and his mark outside of a cafe.

The most recent report I've gotten is an email from a woman who (from what I can deduce) was tentatively involved with Simon for a short time while visiting Spain in March 2016, but was scared right off the lot when she Googled his name and found out all the dirt on his sketchy lying ass.

Among the torrent of bullshit he fed this would-be girlfriend? 

• He claimed to be a retired British commando sniper-turned-trauma surgeon who served in Afghanistan. 
• He claimed to have developed a form of leukemia caused by removing thousands of plutonium tipped bullets from patients. 
• Oh, and he has a maths degree from Oxford.

Excuse me for a minute. 

via GIPHY

via GIPHY

via GIPHY

PLEASE NOTE:

It's the sheer audacity of Simon's ridiculous bullshit stories that has me amused; I am not making fun of this girlfriend, or anyone else who has been swindled (emotionally or financially) by Simon Reid. No one knows better than I do how frighteningly adept this fuckhandle is at winning your confidence and portraying himself as a chivalrous, fun, self-deprecating, honorable man. He's a textbook pathological liar who is excellent at reading, assessing, and exploiting people. Although he's never quite successful in the end--as long as there is an internet he will continue to be exposed for the vile fraud that he is--but Simon doesn't play the long game, anyway. He's not the type of conman who slowly and surely gains your trust over a period of time. The guy plays the numbers and he always has several schemes (and women) going at once, and his pattern shows that he will always cut and run once he realizes that his marks are onto him, leaving everyone in the dust. No goodbyes, no explanations, no apologies. Just a shitload of hideous LIES.

So for anyone reading this who has been done in by Simon Reid, whether he's "borrowed" (stolen) money or fucked you over emotionally (he likes to do both whenever possible), please remember:

• He is a cold, calculating individual who feels no remorse for the people he harms
• He has a long, long, long history of victimizing those who are close to him, including two ex-wives, countless girlfriends, and even his own parents and children 
• He is an evil asswipe
• It's not your fault

Lastly--for the sake of your own mental, emotional, physical, and financial safety--RUN, DON'T WALK far, far, far away from his damaged, broken, sketchball ass.

And now, an important message from Billy Joel....

A digression: this is the good Billy Joel. You can tell, because of his hair. (Ever notice that when Billy Joel got rid of the Jewfro, his songs started sucking balls? It's like his mighty Jewfro gave him all his songwriting powers. Then he had to go and cut it off and his music went straight down the toilet.) Actually, I think Pressure was post-Jewfro, so maybe that song is the one exception to the rule. Now that was a cool-ass video. I love the part where he's at that cocktail party and the lady goes flying sideways into that doorway full of milk and Billy gets sucked down into the carpet. Lots of cocaine went into the making of that one, I'm guessing. 

But it was so totally worth it.      

via GIPHY

If you have your own Simon Reid sightings or stories, please tell all in the comments (or email me if you don't want to share publicly). Keep spreading the word. Let's warn Simon Reid's future paramours, landlords, employers, "business" partners, and anyone else who Googles his name.

Knowledge = power.  

FASTER, PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL!

Kill Walter Palmer, that is. With extreme prejudice. And while we're at it, let's rid the planet of Kristen Lindsey* and Kendall Jones because fuck them too.

Earlier this month a sunken-eyed, dried-out corpse purportedly known as Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer killed a lion because he's an evil little pindick who's fond of illegally slaughtering any creature he can get within 100 feet of; a diseased turd of a man with hideous fake choppers and a penchant for sexually harassing his female employees.

Picture this abomination of nature forcing you to engage in "unwanted physical contact" involving your
"breasts, buttocks, and genitalia." Makes you want to scream and run under a shower, right?

I've been hyperventilating about this along with the rest of the world, signing online petitions to have his lily-white Romney-supporting ass extradited to Zimbabwe and joining Facebook groups to talk about what a psychopath he is and how anyone who hunts is a cousin-banging, cross-eyed redneck scumbag, and I have nearly hit outrage-fatigue. So I thought it would be cleansing and cathartic to write a brief post pointing out what a putrid, festering hunk of undead flesh this asshole is, insult his penis size, and call him a murderer. 

And guess what? I do feel kind of better now. 

Oh yeah, there's also this:

And this....

 And I'd be remiss if I didn't include....

AND

Okay, I feel much better now. 

*Speaking of that other vile slab of meat, go here for information on filing a complaint to revoke Lindsey's vet license. (Online petitions are great, but this one needs an extra push with official paperwork.)

BAD REVIEWS CAN BE FUN!

Although I've written a few of my own bad reviews on this very blog, I've never gone to a site like Yelp and ripped a business or its employees for sucking. Not that I've never experienced poor customer service, because--duh--of course I have. Everyone has. But I've never been sufficiently pissed off (or impressed) enough to actually go and set up a profile on a business review site just to voice my opinions about a restaurant or a shop or a library or whatever. 

That said, I've come across some online reviews that are pretty damn funny. The best ones, naturally, are the ones that aren't meant to be funny, written by people who are all puffed up with self-righteous indignation because the Applebee's waitress screwed up their order and there was fucking cheese on their chili cheese fries when they specifically told her NO CHEESE ("and I'm lactose intolerant, goddammit! I was on the toilet for five hours!") and they've included a lot of !!!1! and typos and misspelled words to help illustrate their point. You know. Those kind of reviews. They're a hoot. 

I was searching online, trying to remember the location of a post office that's close-ish to our house, when I ran across some amusing Google reviews. 

Yes, Google reviews. For a post office. 

Um...okay?

There were eight reviews listed, all of them dismal, and the star of these reviews was a mysterious, cranky postal worker named David.* Here's what some of the reviewers had to say (typos and misspellings left in for comic effect. My thoughts are in blue):

Truly the worse experience at any post office ever. David was rude, arrogant, unkind and unwilling to fix the situation. He would not even give me my mail back until I had to demand it back. Absolutely terrible customer service skills.

Wow. How bad to you have to be to provide the "worse experience at any post office ever"? I'm not even being facetious. I mean, that's bad. And are we to believe that this David dude got pissy and snatched her mail away from her, holding it hostage like a giant toddler? Did he also threaten to hold his breath until his face turned blue? That's....pretty funny. And entertaining for the other customers, I would think. 

"There is a USPS employee that is unbearable. His name is David. I've personally called customer service to leave a few complaints about his services. I'm European, and I don't know if he has something against my country but he doesn't treat me well. He won't accept my packages, or he'll try to charge me double to send them. I've to leave the office and go to the one in downtown, where I don't have any problem sending the packages regular rate. And last time he lied to me and told me that the rules had changed and prices were different. I called to confirm and USPS told me, after being on the line 56 minutes that prices haven't changed at all and I was in my right to send flat rate my package without any problems. Share your comments, maybe this man needs to change jobs." 

Well, I've encountered some annoying Europeans in my day. Americans don't have the monopoly on obnoxious public behavior. It just seems like we do. Maybe she was giving David some European-y attitude and he wasn't having it. Still though, sounds like old Dave might have some issues. 

Then it gets weirder. This reviewer seems to have studied writing at the James Frey school of Random capitalization. He also apparently composed the following while in the midst of a stroke. Either that, or he types with his feet:

The Business I own, with the hard work of our employees is all about provided the finest products and services via utilizing and implementing the best products we can find. GIGO, as the phrase goes. Here at Trik Production Company we Adobe Mater Suite design tools, Google for our Search engine AdWare and analytics, and old Microsoft for enterprise Organization. We make great e-Brand solutions because we pay good dollars for Top Tier Vendors, and most of all for tier 1 talent. This is the Point. You have bad USPS here with some looser named David that apparently didn't get a Pony when he was six. Now, do the right thing; Set David free to wander the landscape and find his Pony for Christ Sake. We have work to do. FYI, we are going to UPS down the...

And then he just trails off! Dude, don't leave us hanging! What the hell happened? Did David follow this guy home, sneak up behind him while he was writing this review, and pop a cap in his ass, Tupac style? If so, I'm sure David took umbrage with the notion that he was disgruntled because he never got his "Pony" when he was six. I have to say though, the image of a pissed off postal worker wandering the Nevada desert "landscape" in his little cap and postal worker shorts is sorta funny. Dumb, but funny.

I've saved my favorite review for last. This one proves that the best statements are often simple, short, and concise. No need for a gratuitous plug of your Trik Production Company. No call to show off your fancy European book-learnin.' Waste of time.

This review is from a person named Xisadz (?) who uses an anime character for an avatar. It sums up everyone's feelings in just five words:

I hate that bastard David.

Brilliant, Xisadz. You win. 

* "David? That's a Biblical name. What does he call you, Bathsheba?" (I never get tired of that line. It's from Annie Hall, my favorite movie ever.)

Aw, an old boyfriend of mine had this t-shirt back in the 90's.
Ironically, he had the patience of a saint.

     

Okay, I'm seriously sick of this.

It seems like every other week some drooling psycho decides to shoot up a mall, a movie theater, a Sikh temple, a salon in Georgia, a day spa in Wisconsin, a signage company in Minneapolis, and a cafe in Seattle.

Of course, the massacres listed above only represent a handful of recent shooting sprees in the US, and that's not including the school shootings that happened this year. Those would be: Chardon High School (three students killed, February), Oikos University (seven students killed, April), Texas A&M (two people killed, August) and obviously the horrific Sandy Hook shootings last week (twenty children and six adults killed). If you want to depress yourself, here's a list of the all mass shootings that happened in 2012.

Good news: some politicians are seriously talking about banning assault rifles altogether, and stricter gun control laws. Bad news: with this country's weird gun fetish and the insane power of the NRA, who fucking knows if anything will actually change?

As far as school shootings are concerned, Columbine was just the tip of a very large iceberg, and this bullshit has happened again and again and again. Sandy Hook seems particularly brutal, because of the ages of the victims and the high body count. But does no one remember back in 2006, when that crazed shit stain stormed an Amish school house in Pennsylvania, lined up several female students along the chalkboard and shot them execution-style? Ten female students were shot, five of them fatally. And they were also young, between the ages of 6 and 13. Sure, there was a media shitstorm for about a week, then it was forgotten. Until the next one. And the next one and the next one and the next one and SERIOUSLY AMERICA, ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING MASS SHOOTINGS.    

Oh, and the National Rifle Association can go fuck itself sideways.

That's all I got today.