IN HONOR OF PRIDE MONTH:
TOM ROBINSON BAND

Tom Robinson Band is the best punk band most Yanks have never heard of. 

Their debut single, the radio-friendly "2-4-6-8 Motorway," peaked at number five on the UK charts in October 1977. This is their appearance on Top of the Pops that same year. 

Note the pink triangle badge on Tom Robinson's shirt. It was a brave statement in 1977, especially on a mainstream primetime show like TotP. But it wasn't just a statement of support for the gay community; it was a declaration of the singer's identity. As the narrator of the band's 1978 documentary quaintly puts it, Tom Robinson "freely admits he is homosexual."  

TRB's next single, "Glad to be Gay," peaked at number 18 in the UK. Wikipedia says the song has been called "Britain's national gay anthem," which is funny because I don't think it's what millennial and Gen Z kids would consider an anthem. The song is slow, acerbic, and angry--not the kind of feel-good "YAAAS QUEEN" sort of thing you get nowadays with Sam Smith and Lizzo--but it only makes it that much more powerful. Would the irony-deficient youngsters of today agree? 

But their best song, "Power in the Darkness," goes even further. In the documentary (posted below, see part 3 for this particular clip) there is an epic live performance of this track:

Power in the darkness
Frightening lies from the other side
Power in the darkness
Stand up and fight for your rights 

Freedom, we're talking 'bout your freedom
Freedom to choose what you do with your body
Freedom to believe what you like
Freedom for brothers to love one another
Freedom for black and white
Freedom from harassment, intimidation
Freedom for the mother and wife
Freedom from Big Brother's interrogation
Freedom to live your own life, I'm talking 'bout 

Power in the darkness
Frightening lies from the other side
Power in the darkness
Stand up and fight for your rights

At this point in the song, Tom "interrupts" Danny Kustow's guitar solo and approaches the mic, having donned a tweed sport coat and a large rubber nose. Now the nose might look problematic these days with its antisemitic connotations and all, but it's soon clear that the singer is mocking toffee-nosed conservative types who were then (and now) railing against gays, immigrants, people of color, the poor, and basically anyone outside the mainstream, while extolling the virtues of traditional morals, law and order, Christian values, et cetera. (SOUND FAMILIAR?!)

"Shut up! Stop this bloody noise at once! Good grief, I said shut up, you bunch of long-haired hippie communist perverts! This noise level in this hall is unacceptably loud, these damn speaker things. We've been measuring them with a decibel meter; you young people will be deaf by the time you're 30. (crowd cheers) The Oxford Distressed Gentlefolks Association, just over the road, has been severely upset by the vase vibrating on the mantelpiece. (crowd cheers) Shut up! Have you no respect for your elders and betters anymore? Be quiet. Good grief, look at you. I thought Oxford was the seat of learning. Look like you could do with a good bath, some of you. Do you mean to say you paid money to come and listen to this drivel? Good God. 

"What we need to do is see a return to the traditional British values. Bring back the cane at the grammar schools. Church on Sundays. A spell in the army would do you all a lot of good. National Service. We need to see a return to discipline, obedience, morality, virtue, and freedom."

And the song continues.... 

What we want is
Freedom from the reds and the blacks and the criminals
Prostitutes, pansies and punks
Football hooligans, juvenile delinquents
Lesbians and left wing scum
Freedom from the n------ and the P---- and the unions
Freedom from the Gypsies and the Jews
Freedom from longhaired layabouts and students
Freedom from the likes of you (whips off rubber nose) ....and me

Power in the darkness
Frightening lies from the other side
Power in the darkness
Stand up and fight for your rights

The entire documentary runs about 45 minutes and is broken up into four parts on YouTube. I highly recommend it. 

FIGHT FASCISM!

RESCUED FROM OBSCURITY 

"And I don't know which end to burn..."

I won't comment on any real world shit going on, because fuck it. We all know 2020 sucks. We all know everything sucks. 

So take a break from the bullshit and escape with me to 1985, a comparatively innocent, COVID-free time when Julian Lennon's debut album Valotte was riding high on the music charts in the US and UK and the first two singles, the title track and Too Late For Goodbyes, were in heavy rotation on MTV with videos directed by.....Sam Peckinpah. (Seriously!)

But the Julian Lennon track I'm most fond of is the less remembered and woefully underrated third single, "Say You're Wrong." It's not groundbreaking or anything, but it's a fun little song and video (this one directed by Tim Pope). The thing I love about this tune is that while Julian's vocals are of course very reminiscent of his father's, the song's melody is quite McCartney-esque, an observation duly noted by someone in the YouTube comments. Incidentally, another commentator remarked on Julian's "nice figure," like he's a contestant in a Star Search spokesmodel competition (hee!), but I kinda know what they mean. Julian is adorable in this and I'm digging the '80s northern English vibe with the hat, boots, and long black coat. What can I say? It's definitely working for him.

Aw hell, let's just stay in the mid-80s. Pretend like 2020 never happened. Sound good? Cool.

Here's "Valotte," my second fave and also a damn fine song.

And also, there's this:

Smash Hits could always be counted on to stick John Taylor on the cover.

Julian was a bonus.

WOW. 

I MEAN....

WOW.

Lord help me, I watched all 11 minutes and three seconds of this. I have no idea what in the holy hell it is or why it exists, but I think I'm obsessed with it now. 

Some questions:

Why is Carol Burnett in this? And was she only there for the dorky intro and outro?

If so, bravo, 1982 TV execs! That was the most random, goofy ass shit I've ever seen. 

Why did Cheryl Ladd have her own prime time TV special? I thought she was only famous for being a replacement on Charlie's Angels. Was someone trying to make her "happen"?

This weird shot makes it look like she's menacing a tiny Rick Springfield!

Speaking of Rick, did he raid Simon Le Bon's wardrobe? 

Yes, it appears that he did. And I like it.

What the hell is with the extra verse in "I've Done Everything For You," (at the 7:55 to 8:15 mark)? I've never heard that before. And yes, I'm well familiar with the works of Rick Springfield. You got a problem with that? 

Didn't think so, bitches!

Now that World War III is about to happen, can this insane TV special just be broadcast on every channel and repeated on an endless loop forever and ever and ever? I think that would be the best thing for all of us. 

Namaste.

RESCUED FROM OBSCURITY:

"LIGHTS OUT! UH HUH!"

It's too bad this song doesn't get more love. I remember it being a big hit on the radio and MTV, although according to Billboard it only peaked at #24 on the Hot 100. The problem may have been that "Dancing in the dark," (the song's refrain) happened to be the title of another song that was also in heavy rotation during the summer of '84. You know the one. I will say that Peter Wolf's dancing is--ahem--pretty much on par with Bruce's (i.e. not very good), but Peter gets points for at least throwing in a few spins.  

"Lights Out" has been on my mind a lot since John hooked up the Amazon Echo to our new living room lamp. See, now instead of reaching over to pull the chain, I have to say "Alexa, lights out" (or on) and the device complies. John loves it because it's all space age and he's a techie. I'm more of a tactile type, so I've had some trouble remembering to keep my hands off the chain in order for the lamp to stay in sync with the commands. But my learning curve has had the added bonus of reminding me of this song, because every time I talk to the lamp, I hear "Lights out! Uh huh! Blast, blast, blast!" playing in my head. Weirdly enough, when I try to get Alexa to play "Lights Out," she pleads ignorance, telling me she can't find it. Thankfully, YouTube usually comes through in situations like these.

   

Of course, Peter Wolf is better known as the lead singer of the J. Geils Band. I like their work, but it's a bummer that most people only seem to remember them for "Centerfold." Personally, I much prefer "Freeze Frame." It's way more fun, and I adore that wacky ass video, a shining example of early MTV at its finest. But most people only know "Centerfold." Tragic. 

During the past week that I've been listening to "Lights Out," I recalled a few odd facts about Peter Wolf that I had to Google to make sure I was remembering correctly. The first is that he was roommates with filmmaker David Lynch in college. David didn't care much for Peter, because he found him too weird. Seriously! I mean, what a freaky badge of honor to be too weird for David Lynch. 

  

Another awesome Peter Wolf factoid is that he was once married to Faye Dunaway. Yes, Peter Wolf and Mommie Dearest were married! 

Don't make her angry. You wouldn't like her when she's angry.

Actually, they looked surprisingly good together, like your typical kooky bohemian '70s celebrity couple. 

I'm kinda digging the facial hair.

But they were only married from 1974 to 1979, which means they'd split up by the time Faye starred in Mommie Dearest. However, that does mean they were together when Faye made the epic campfest The Eyes of Laura Mars in 1978. If you've never seen it, do yourself a favor, 'cause it's a real hoot. You got a bunch of generic disco-era fashion models getting all nekkid and murdered, you have Tommy Lee Jones sporting David Cassidy hair, Faye runs through a warehouse shrieking "Donaaaaaaaald!" about 75 times, and Raul Julia hams it up with lines like "Ah, but YOU! Instant star in the world of chic!"

No decade did camp quite like the '70s.

But this is about Peter, not his ex. And Peter's pretty awesome. This is another forgotten gem, the title track from his 1987 album, Come As You Are. The video is similar to Janet Jackson's "When I Think of You," made to look like one long continuous shot, peppered with a few disguised edits to maintain the flow. Also, Peter appears to be hopping through the set of The Truman Show, a film that wouldn't be released for another 11 years. He was ahead of his time, that Peter Wolf.

  

PRESENTED WITHOUT COMMENT

Okay, I lied. 

I have to comment because I kind of love this video and I watch it at least once a month. It has a strange hold over me. 

Maybe it's because I've attended and/or run booths at countless New Age festivals, art fairs, psychic fairs, yoga festivals, and various organized gatherings centered around one or more of the following: Eastern philosophy, massage, Reiki, healing, Tarot, crystals, African dancing, drum circles....you know. All that feel good hippie stuff. Maybe it's because I spent a large part of my childhood surrounded by my mom and stepdad's friends; hanging at our house, coming in and out of town for their Hakomi classes and new-thought-type therapy workshops that they were all either teaching or attending. 

Like it or not, these are my people. They must be, because I feel comfortable and at home around them. The weirder the better. 

That said, this video is fucking hilarious. I don't know what it is. But I know I've seen this stuff up close many, many, many times. Hell, I've participated in it. I've walked among these people. 

And it doesn't make it any less funny.

I don't get it, but at the same time I totally get it. It's sort of in my DNA at this point. But that doesn't mean I understand it. 

WIN PARIS!

From (Everything Is Terrible vlogger) ohmy70s because they are the awesomest....

Remember when Charlie Sheen's brain broke and he was all over 20/20 and Piers Morgan and whatnot babbling about his "goddesses" and "tiger blood DNA" and--of course--"WINNING"? I mean, he was/is clearly bonkers, but now that I've seen this I wonder if the "WINNING" thing came from a late night infomercial hallucination fever dream Chuck fell into after a 48-hour hooker/porn star/freebasing bender and was visited by an apparition of this Win Paris dude. 

Makes sense to me. 

Everything about this clip is so 1970's insane. The skin-tight jeans hiked up to the nipples. The orange tracksuit. That nightmare leisure suit. The fact that Win looks like a creepier version of Hugh Hefner with a bad bowl haircut. (Not to mention the Midday Movie "Son of Kong." WTF?)

I have vague memories of these '70s fitness/motivational gurus. There seemed to be a lot of them back then. They used to pop up on afternoon talk shows my mom would watch (Merv Griffin, Dinah, etc.). These odd little guys confused me, the way they bounced around the set, screaming at the camera and the studio audience. I'd be like, "What is that man so mad about?" And the king of them all was Richard Simmons, crying and shrieking and hugging all over the fat women.

I couldn't find an illustrative Richard Simmons clip from the '70s but I did find this gem. If you ever wanted see Richard Simmons molest a PM Magazine reporter and drop the f-bomb, well, you're welcome.

  

      

Insomnia...it's a hell of a drug.

Once upon a time Frank Zappa and Borat had a kid together and that kid grew up and he got himself a silver jumpsuit and a Yamaha synth and a key-tar and Lady Gaga and made this video and it was the greatest achievement in the history of the arts and it made everything warm and special and magical and the stars aligned and the angels wept and peace broke out across the land and everyone laughed and hugged and cried and holy shit this really is the greatest thing ever recorded.

You're welcome.

Comment Spam ---- Why I Can't Look Away



Comment spam fascinates me more than it should. Given that it's been around since the dawn of the internet, I can't help but wonder if these ridiculously lazy, assinine marketing ploys actually work on people. I mean, it's a supply and demand kind of world, righht? Who are the suppliers? Who are the demanders? I need some answers.

Think about it. Are there actually people out there sipping their morning coffee, half-heartedly reading some blog post about Kim and Kanye's unholy spawn, scrolling down to the comment section to read witty bon mots about Kim's giant ass and Kanye's sucky music, then stopping cold as their eyes latch on to some mysterious, cryptic comment extolling the virtues of some "weird trick" for eliminating belly fat, a simple, miraculous technique so effective that "diet doctors don't even want you to know"? Really, do these people exist? Do they say to themselves, "Holy cow, this must be fate! Here I've been wondering what to do about this jelly roll around my waist, and then I just happen to click on this lame Kimye story and--out of nowhere!--there's this post right here--like it was meant to be--claiming there's a safe and easy way to get my body 'bikini-ready' in six weeks? Hey Ashton! Put down that damn X-Box doo-hickey and fetch Mama her Discover card!"

And then there are my questions about the purveyous of comment spam. For instance: am I correct in assuming that most comment spam is autogenerated? Or is some rube with a tenuous grasp of the English language being paid like 5 cents per post from some fly-by-night outift in like, Singapore or something? If you have any theories, please feel free to post them in the comments.

Without further ado, here's some of the more entertaining comment spam I've recently come across.

From a YouTube video of an old "Love Connection" episode, comment posted by a Daniel Enache:

"That was good information. I'm here simply because my mate all of a sudden turned awesome with girls. He started getting chicks magically. I found myself stunned. He pretended he didn't notice. Then he smiled and told me while he was wasted. Turns out he uses the Jake Ayres Master Attraction Formula. Google it and you'll find it... He's dating a sexy chick."

Another comment under the same video clip, this one courtesy of an Ujwol Suwal:

"I'm bothered. My friend resides in the opposite room. I'm displeased because he lately turned outstanding at seducing gals. The guy found the Master Attraction web page by Jake Ayres (Search in Google). All he's doing now is screwing women. He's continuously getting the ladies back. I hear it, which is gross and If only he never discovered that site. My best companion just signed up and got a blowjob a week later. I am envious!"

Same comment section, from another jealous fellow called Dinesh Jain:

"Alright. I'm bothered. My friend resides on the floor above me. I'm aggravated because he just grew superb at attracting the women. The guy found the Master Attraction site by Jake Ayres (Search in Google). Now I hear him bringing women back. He's continuously bringing ladies back and I hear it, which is gross and I wish he had not found that site."

Then there's this one, from PLFM (the first blog to pick up my Simon Reid story):

"Whаt's up, always i used to check blog posts here early in the morning, because i love to learn more and more. Feel free to surf to my blog post: deep fryers on sale."
 

Finally, these last three gems are comments posted on a Hollywood gossip site beneath a photo of C-list actress Jennifer Love Hewitt with her new baby daddy. It's just....I mean.....wow. "Sniff that panty"? I'm really out of words here.

"Please feel carefree to pursue her profile on sniff-that-panty-dot-com I have hear that she has many the wild fantasies. Bon Chance!"

"She is really sexy!!! I have ever seen her hot video at interracialconnect.com which is a niche interracial dating site for all singls. She is really sexy with bikini in that video. You will know how passionate interracial kiss it is after seening it."

"They are a pair made in heaven. They members on nudistmingle.com where they met and dating like their nude photos and profiles. Merry Christmas!"
 

Merry Christmas, indeed. And God bless us every one.

Are you ready for the creepiest thing you'll see today? Cause here it is!

This is also an unbelievably lazy post--it's not like it's hard to make fun of this video. But screw it, I'm going in.

• 0:16  Was anyone else relieved to see both of his hands? I know I was. 
• 01:10  Say what you will about the guy--he does a good job of not tripping over the stage while walking backwards. Are the French known for their coordination? 
• 01:15 - 01:25  Those dancers are really trying hard to out-creepy that doll. But it can't be done. 
• 01:26  See what I mean?
• 02:16  Nails it again! He's good. 
• 02:44  Even when the girls turn on him, he never stops dancing! 
• My favorite YouTube comment: "Roman Polanski never sounded better."

I think it's the effects of summer in the Deep South, but my brain is moving really slow. I'll kick it in high gear soon and be back with a proper post.

God, how could I not love this video? It's adorable, sweet, and chock full of cats! Purring cats, growling cats, meowing cats, cats whizzing their tits off on catnip. I can even overlook the horrid '90s fashions and awful hairstyles because, well, CATS!



Also? I reject the term "cat lady." It's often prefaced by "crazy" and generally used in a mocking and derogatory way, with queasy misogynistic undertones. Fuck that. I am not a "cat lady."

I am a catwoman. Hear me ROAR.

I want to have tea with Lisa Gail Allred!

This video has been making the rounds on the internets today, and it's so awesomely bad that I knew I had to post it. I can't help but like Lisa Gail. She can't sing to save her ass (I never thought I'd say this, but PLEASE woman--AUTOTUNE!) but hey, neither can Dylan and he's still awesome. I give her +10 for enthusiasm and for having so much fun cavorting with the cowboys while rocking that turquoise jewelry. Especially for the turquoise jewelry. Seriously, it takes a special kind of person to do justice to turquoise, and I applaud her for it.  

I also hope that she has a good sense of humor about all the crap she's going to get for this. And I hope she has a loving and supportive husband/significant other who appreciates her and who--ahem--observes her three-second rule.

No language, just sound--

that's all we need know,

to synchronize love

to the beat of the show...

Check it out, a near shot-for-shot recreation of Joy Division's appearance on Tony Wilson's "So It Goes" using Playmobil figures (see the fictionalized version, from the excellent Ian Curtis biopic Control here).

Turns out there is a plethora of Playmobil videos on YouTube, and I love them all. I love the idea of recreating classic film clips using Playmobil figures. Maybe it's because I grew up in the era of the herky-jerky Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer kids' shows, but I love bizarro stop-motion animation. It makes me scared and happy at the same time. Come to think of it, that's kind of how I feel about Joy Division, too.

This clip is dedicated to Mancunian man Brooko--who comes from Salford--a very important distinction.

This one is for Juliette...

Sweetest video EVER! I luvs Charley xx

I'm gearing up for a more substantial post, but in the meantime I need to share this little nugget of CUTE.

While I love almost anyone who loves cats, men who genuinely love cats are a bit harder to come by than female feline fanatics like myself. That makes this Wisconsinite even more adorable.

Thank you Ron Venden. You and your sweet little Almond make me smile.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!



I predict these two will have no problem getting pussy now that this video is a hit. Men who like cats are HOT!

Yes kids, in the '80s everyone was doing so much coke that making Pee Wee Herman do an anti-crack PSA--completely in character--seemed like a swell idea.



I'm sorry, I can't take this seriously.

This is an early birthday shout-out to my writer's group friend Becca: a classic video featuring her (ex-?) boyfriend William Shatner.



Funny, funny shit. I would have loved to be in the audience during his performance. Preferably stoned out of my mind (in keeping with the spirit of 1978, natch).

Because I adore this guy, I'm posting this. The Foo Fighters was one of the few bands from the nineties that I could get into, and Joshua does an amazing rendition of their song, "Everlong."

Yet another YouTube clip fest today, but this one actually has a purpose. I had the pleasure of interviewing Juliette Danielle of The Room for Praxis, and she is more awesome than I could have imagined. If you haven't seen the cult phenomenon that is The Room, here is a quick primer. Then watch the following clips, cause they're hilarious. Then get thee to a midnight showing (see The Room's official website for a screening schedule). If it's not playing at a theater near you, the DVD is available on Amazon, and it comes with a Q&A with writer/director/producer/star Tommy Wiseau (giving one of his infamous WTF? interviews).

Here are some of my favorite scenes from "the Citizen Kane of bad movies."


"You think about everything!"


"Well maybe you should have a girl, Mark."


"A man like that! With a gun! My God!"


I love this scene because it makes no sense whatsoever. I'm not talking about the football thing, what puzzles me is Mark's "Underwear? What's that?" Huh?


Pizza and scotchka! "Don't worry about it. It's good for you."


And if you're still not convinced, here is an audience reaction montage. But don't take their word for it...experience The Room for yourself.

Novelty, Schmovelty

I have been OD'ing on seventies schmalz lately thanks to John, who has loaded up a bunch of old Top of the Pops episodes on my hard drive. Top of the Pops was the UK equivalent of American Bandstand, with the top acts of each week lip syncing their songs for a rhythmically-challenged audience of teenagers. The interesting thing about these TOTP eps is the high number of bizarre novelty songs frequently appearing on the British charts. Below are clips of some of the weirdest.

Joy Sarney
Naughty Naughty Naughty

Joy Sarney appeared on Top of the Pops in 1977 singing this song, which was (shockingly) her only hit. It's a love song about Punch from the Punch and Judy puppet show. At one point you can plainly see the puppeteer's arm poking out through the cheap set. This song made it to #26 on the UK chart. I have to ask, was everyone high in the seventies?



Fox
S-S-S-Single Bed

This is s-s-s-serious crap. Watch this one at your own risk; the sheer ugliness of the singer's outfit (hot pants, tank top, white cape) made my eyes burn and her migraine-inducing voice sounds like Britney Spears on helium. And the guy in the Kansas City jersey? Is so high it's not even funny.



Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers
Egyptian Reggae

Jonathan Richman is a respected musician and (supposedly) a trail-blazer in the seventies punk movement. He is probably now best known for his role as the guitar-strumming Greek chorus in There's Something About Mary. It's a bit hard to swallow his alleged punk status--especially considering this song--an instrumental number that sounds neither Egyptian nor vaguely reggae-ish (and certainly not punk). That said, I do have a peculiar fondness for this video. I can watch it over and over and never get sick of it. I think it's the dancing camel. I am obsessed with the dancing camel.



Streetband
Toast

Take a close look at the bloke on the mike, if you can make out his features behind all the groovy seventies hair. Look familiar? That's Paul Young, of Everytime You Go Away, Oh Girl, Come Back and Stay, Do They Know It's Christmas, and a bunch of other shite that only I remember because back in the day I owned No Parlez, The Secret of Association, and his Greatest Hits. Recorded with his first group, Streetband, Toast is a far cry from all the earnest blue-eyed soul stuff Young would become famous for in the later years. Looking at this video--I have to ask yet again--was everyone high in the seventies?



The Wombles

The Wombles was a kids' show in the UK, and (if their Wikipedia page is to be believed), the most successful band of 1974, with albums in the UK charts for more weeks than any other act. The freaky thing about this, uh, "band," is that they weren't one hit wonders, like most novelty acts. They appeared on Top of the Pops numerous times, continued to sell records throughout the seventies, and even had a hit as late as 1998 with the dance mix Remember You're A Womble, which peaked at #13 on the UK charts.

I'll leave you with that little bizarre bit of trivia, and the Wombles themselves with their hit Wombling Merry Christmas.



Happy Holidays!