God, we make such an adorable couple. I can't stand it. You can tell he likes me. Seriously.

Okay everyone...remember when I nearly went insane trying to post those pictures in the aftermath of the fabulous Finn Brothers concert back in July? Well, thanks to the scanner here at my new job and being at work during non-work hours, (I got a key and an alarm code. Heh.) I was FINALLY able to post one of my pictures from the show. Above, Neil and I are standing by the tour bus after the concert. We're so damn cute together. My boob is touching his arm and we're both smiling. It's called destiny, people. We are meant to be.

I'll post the rest of my photos the next time I'm alone at work with free access to expensive equipment.

Holy shit, people!!! Britney Spears got married??? Where have I been????? Why didn't I hear about this sooner????

Oh, wait, I just remembered. I don't give a flying turd.

And by the way, doesn't this new buttmunch she's with look like one of those toolios you'd see working at the pretzel stand in the mall? You know what I mean--one of those nineteen-year-old dweebs with the crooked trucker hat, creative facial hair, stoned eyes, and big silver chain connecting his wallet to his saggy pants--half-assedly wrapping up your pretzel, sloshing most of your Diet Coke onto your tray, and handing over your change with a slight nod and a grunt. (Did I go far enough with that analogy? I don't know.)

Has anyone else seen that one TV commercial for Viagara? I bring it up because it bugs the shit out of me. In it, a middle-aged balding dude is out with his trophy wife/girlfriend--she's kind of dragging him around while she shops for shoes and clothes. So they're on the sidewalk and they pass by this lingerie store. He pauses, gets this creepy smirk on his face and as he's leering at the window display, cartoon horns come out from behind his head that turn out to be the points of the "V" in Viagara. Then he grabs his chick by the hand and pulls her into the store. Okay, here's what bugs me. It's not the implication that the middle-aged guy wants to have sex. It's not even the way he leers at the bra and panties in the window. It's the way the pointy horns pop out of his head when he sees them. Is that supposed to symbolize him popping a boner? I think it is. Ew.

To be fair, I may be over-analyzing it a little. But still.

This is genius (thanks for this, Jason!)

Last night, I checked out Martin Scorsese's 1988 film The Last Temptation of Christ from the public library. I'd never seen it; I was a freshman in high school when it came out, (a freshman in a Catholic high school), and seeing a Biblical movie-- any Biblical movie outside of Religion class is not an idea that would have appealed to me at the time. Plus, being fifteen years old, I think most of it would have been lost on me. But now, being so much wiser and infinitely more mature....

I was surprised by how much I liked it. I'm not much of a Scorsese fan, but I thought it was well made and the directing and acting weren't too heavy-handed, (as is the case with most Biblical films. Speaking of, remember when Richard Gere played King David? Dude, that was funny). Here are some of my thoughts:

• Willem Dafoe, you may remember, played Jesus. Dafoe's other notable performances (in my mind, anyway), include a greaseball bad guy in the Diane Lane "rock n' roll fable" Streets of Fire, and of course, the excellent Auto Focus ("Bob Crane's a loser!") He did a good job as Christ, I thought, but being Dafoe, he was most believable in the "wigging-out" scenes, like the whole going-postal-on-the- merchants-in-the-temple part. Yeah, he nailed that one. (Oops! Bad pun.)
• Mary Magdalene was played by Barbara Hershey, who I will forever remember as the woman from Beaches. Not that I loved that movie or anything, but you gotta remember--I'm a chick. In the late eighties, I think it was required by the government for all females over the age of twelve to see Beaches a few dozen times. Seriously. Look it up. Anyway, Hershey was sporting this massive Cher wig throughout TLToC--a glaring reminder that this puppy was definitely made in the eighties.
• Okay, Scorsese? I realize that this was probably the fault of the costume designer or whoever, but women with flawless manicures and shaved pits? Not happening in the Jesus times, dude.
• Harvey Keitel (the cop from Thelma and Louise) played Judas, and another guy I recognized from a gangster movie (probably Goodfellas) played Peter. Keitel was his usual aces, but again--Scorsese? (and this one is most definitely your fault)....I'm not a theologian or anything, but I'm like, 99.9% sure that Jesus's desciples did not have Brooklyn accents. Seriously, I mean--ever hear of a dialect coach?
• Harry Dean Stanton (Molly Ringwald's dad in Pretty In Pink), played Saul (Jewish zealot who converted to Christianity and was later known as the apostle Paul). Jeez, I understand this now, but looking back, it's no wonder I had such a hard time in religion class.
• Dude, if you're a sheep you don't want to be anywhere near Isreal during Passover. If I wasn't already a vegetarian, this one particular scene would have done me in. Holy shit. (Literally!)
• David Bowie was in this! I totally forgot about that! He played Pontius Pilate, and--I'm not just saying this cause he's David Bowie--he kicked ass! He's a damn fine actor. And to be completely shallow for a sec--he looked really good. I think he looked his best in the eighties. In the seventies during his Ziggy Stardust period I always thought he looked too gaunt (not to mention the orange mullet. Ick). But in the eighties he had updated his look; he started wearing the suits with the skinny ties and that blond pompadour (I guess I'm mostly remembering him from his Serious Moonlight tour, circa '83). Even if you're not a Bowie fan, you gotta admit. He looked hot.
• During the dream sequence/hallucination part towards the end of the film, when Jesus sees the apostle Paul witnessing to a group of people about his conversion, how he "saw the light" and all that, Jesus basically calls him out and says, "I never appeared to you, why are you saying this?" etc. and Paul (Molly Ringwald's dad) argues with him that "the people" need hope and something to believe in, and that basically the message is what's important, not the truth, etc. Although I might be reading too much into this (and I'm sure I'm not the first person to come up with this theory), I saw this scene as Scorsese's sly indictment of TV evangelists and their ilk (remember, this was the eighties--you had Oral Roberts on TV begging for money, the PTL scandal with Jim and Tammy, shysters with the fake healings, cashing in on people's beliefs, etc.) If you ever see the movie, pay attention to that scene. It's pretty cool.
• Oh, and the synthesizer music over the closing credits? Yeah. It was definitely the eighties.

I just realized that I could mess with text color, so today it's red.

It's Sunday on a holiday weekend, and I'm sitting here at my desk at work. I biked in today to try to get a jump start for next week (classes at the Temple start on Wednesday--this week, all hell officially breaks loose). I've gotten a little bit done, I don't know how much of a difference it will make in my week, or if it was at all worth it to come in today, but I'll find out on Tuesday.

Stuff that I've been up to that doesn't involve my job:

• Movies...I saw Stepford Wives at the dollar theatre last week. My verdict: Eh.
• Books...I've just started You Shall Know Our Velocity by Dave Eggers. It's holding my interest so far, even though his writing style is a bit unconventional, to say the least. And I suspect he's batshit crazy, but that's part of his charm. I managed to get through his other book last year, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, and I was glad I did. Hopefully this one will grow on me. I'm also listening to The Da Vinci Code (the audiobook version, obviously) in my car. It's good so far, but I hope it gets better. Everyone I know who's read it has built it up to be the best book ever, so I'm a bit skeptical to begin with.
• Projects...I haven't done as much writing as I should be, but I've managed to steal away to the coffee shop across the street at least two or three times per week and do some brainstorming in my notebooks. I really, REALLY need to buy a laptop. My computer access has diminished considerably, since I'm unable to use the lab at the law school (Emily's login and password, which I've been using for months, are no longer valid). This has really cramped my style, since the law library has great hours (open 'til midnight during the week) and is only a few blocks from my apartment. I've been forced to use the computers at the public library, which are old and suck ass, plus it closes at 9pm during the week, 5pm on weekends. So I am leaving the little donation thingie up, just in case anyone wants to contribute to my laptop fund. I hope to save up enough to buy a decent used one within the next few months (or at least by the end of this year).
• I will also be selling my jewelry and other wares at the Fall Festival in St. Paul, which is sometime later this month. I'll have to check my calendar to see when exactly it is...I still have a lot to make before it happens.

Okay, time to get out of here before someone wanders in the building and asks me to do something for them.

FUCK!
This day has sucked dog balls. My job is mind-numbing and I am officially burnt out after a month and six days. I wonder if that's a record for this position? I'd be interested to see that data on that. It's not like it's really hard, I'm not splitting the atom or anything, but holy shit--it's just piles and piles and piles of more shit and deadlines and I still don't know what I'm doing and people are asking me questions about shit I'm supposed to know and fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!!!! I'm in need of some good old-fashioned controlled substances right now. Maybe this is a good time to start cultivating a full-blown heroin addiction, or at least begin drinking heavily.

At the end of the day today at around 5:15 I was still there trying to get stuff done so I could go home, and then this scary woman walked in. Damn, she freaked me right the fuck out. She was a midget--well, not officially, but midget-sized anyway--with tiny, fat hands. She was wearing too much jewelry and odd clothing and--worst of all--she was cross-eyed! Well, just in one eye. The other one was fine, I think (although I can't be sure--I couldn't stop staring at the one that was crossed). It was some evil, evil shit. Anyway, she comes in to make a donation, and the woman in charge of the donation-taking was gone since it was after 5:00 and all, so I told her if she wanted to leave the donation slip and the money I'd put it in the donation-taker's mailbox. This midget peers at me with her one good eye and starts quizzing me, like "Are you sure she'll get the money? Are you able to take it? Should I give it to someone else? Maybe you should put it in an envelope for her," and of course all the while I'm thinking "Jesus! Get away from me you troll!" Not only had I had a day from hell, but then I had to deal with this? I managed to assure her that I'd take the donation and put it safely in an envelope and place it in the donatee's mailbox, but she was still hesitant, like as soon as she left I was going to crumple up the donation slip, toss it over my shoulder, look at the $10 bill, slap my thigh and gleefully shout, "Ooooh buddy! Mama's gettin' fucked up tonight!" She finally entrusted me with the money (after watching me slip it in the appropriate mailbox) and waddled out of there, much to my relief.

Can you believe they let someone like me work for a religious organization? I mean, I can't even muster up any compassion for a cross-eyed midget with bad fashion sense. I am a shallow, empty shell of a human being. Maybe I should go into politics.