Thursday, December 28, 2006

Thanks to Marcus, I now have 893 songs on my iPod! I had 39 songs (thanks to Shane), but now that Marcus hooked me up and let me raid his music database, I have, like, over three times that amount! (Or something like that. Math isn't my strong suit...)

So without further ado, I am proud to present my first ever iPod shuffle list--because I know you care deeply:

  1. Me Around - Michael Penn
  2. Mountains - Prince
  3. I Believe/All I Need To Know - Duran Duran
  4. Melt Your Heart - Jenny Lewis with The Watson Twins
  5. Disembodied Voices - Finn Brothers

I don't know what it is about posting an iPod shuffle list, but it does make me feel cooler somehow. The hipster rule of thumb seems to be that the more eclectic your list, the more awesome you are. Seriously. I think I read that on Wikipedia, so it must be right. This means that all I need is to add a little Lawrence Welk, some Ramstein, a dash of the Andrews Sisters and a Megadeath CD or two and I will be so cool, I'll practically have freezer burn.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

So, I saw Apocalypto the other day. I'll forgo a real review in favor of an open letter to Mel Gibson:

Dear Mel,
  1. Hearts being ripped out for human sacrifices? And the dec(r)apitations that followed? And every entrail-ripping, blood-spurting, intestine-exposing death/mutilation that occured before and after that? To paraphrase esteemed film critic Tom Servo, I don't need to see every part of the human body--I can trust it's all there.
  2. Funny how, in true Hollywood tradition, the homely members of the tribe were killed off immediately, and the photogenic ones (of course) were damn near invincible.
  3. I wasn't aware that the sun made a whooshing sound during an eclipse. Then again, I never was good at all that science-y stuff.
  4. I remember when you were still Australian. What happened to that? It made you cuter and sort of cool, a la The Year of Living Dangerously. (oh, who am I kidding, I'd still have sex with the Aussie bastard).
  5. White man's arrival = Doomsday? That was a pretty cool message. The rest of the film I could have done without.

Thank you for your time.



Saturday, December 09, 2006

Six months. Six fucking months without a single post. I feel that I've failed you, my loyal readers (all 9 of you). Hopefully you've been content to browse the archives and reminisce about the days when I updated this thing on a regular basis.

Here is what I've been up to over the past six months (sorry for the annoying list format, it helps me think):

  • Quit my temp job at G.E. in late June to house-sit for Becca, my friend and St. Paul Writer's Guild comrade. Two and a half weeks all alone in a beautiful, quiet home with access to a swimming pool and cable TV, wifi, and the most extensive private library I've ever was heaven. I was extremely productive in my writing during this time: up at 6am to let the dogs out, feed and water the cats, some tea and toast, then straight to the laptop to start pounding out the latest chapter of my book. Someday, this will be my daily routine.
  • P.S.--I would have updated my blog at this time, but three days into my stay I spilled wine on my laptop, killing my computer and, subsequently, my wifi connection. Thank Godfully, my novel was saved on my jump drive and well out of my drunken reach at the time. Shane immediately came through with an extra laptop, which I was able to use to resume my writing (no internet connection, however, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise...)
  • I remained unemployed for the next several weeks, and made a pilgrimage to the Motherland (Indiana) to hang with family and friends. I met up with Marcus for Indian food and the latest installment in our bad movie fest, this time it was Smokey and the Bandit Part II, which was just as wretched as you'd expect. (The catchphrase Marcus came up for this one was, "Alcoholism is funny!")
  • Came back to Minnesota in early August and found a job as a massage therapist. (In the city of Minneapolis you don't have to be certified to practice, which fucking rules). I called about the job on a Friday night, interviewed the next morning, trained that same afternoon, and had my first two clients that night (usually the training process is a lot longer, but my boss was hurting for therapists at the time). Now we're fully staffed and I'm working my ass off, but making awesome, awesome cash! I now would rather pull my off my nipples with a pair of pliers than go back to temping--(I don't know how I survived on that shit for so long, but you do what you gotta do, I suppose). One of the great things about this job is that it's given me incredible fodder for my writing, with all the oddballs and the strange requests I get on a daily's a storyline goldmine that I will be mining regularly for blog posts and other projects. I've already thought of a television series based on my experiences. I'm thinking it would be something for HBO; you know, where they can show nudity and not be restricted by language or subject matter. Portia di Rossi can play me (I know, I'm flattering myself with that casting choice, but we do kinda have the same eyebrows...) and Kevin Spacey can play my lovably perverted, tranny- chasing boss. Personally, I think it's brilliant.
  • So, this brings me to the reason that I'm so pathetically behind on my blog posts--I don't have the same internet access that I had when I worked in an office. I will be buying myself a desktop computer shortly to use for email and blogging (I am restricting myself mainly to those two functions. Well, I also have to visit my friends' blogs, and the Duran Duran website, and The Superficial, and look for more Jude Law photos, but that's it...I promise.)

Anyhoo, as always--thank you for reading, and rest assured that I haven't abandoned the blog. Check back soon!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

NOTE: I've been posting so much J.T. and Duran stuff lately that I wasn't going to do this, but fuck it. My blog, my rules.

This past Tuesday, June 20, was truly a sacred day: the 46th birthday of Nigel John Taylor.

It is written in the Book of Duran (John 3:16)
"For Simon Le Bon so loved the world that he gave his one and only bassist, standing aside to let John have all the glory (and most of the groupies)."
And because, well, Simon totally had (and still has) a thing for John.

From a 1997 interview Simon did with a British music rag:

"The first time I saw John, he was this speccy geek with nicotine-stained fingers, trembling with fear at the prospect of having to meet people. And his name wasn’t even John. It was Nigel. He was a Nigel with glasses, poor sod. I remember staring at his face and slowly realising that he was rather beautiful, exquisite in fact. I mean, this was the best looking guy I’d seen in years, maybe my whole life."

Yeah, I could go on and on with my theories on these two.

(Okay, this one is Photoshopped. But a girl can dream...)
Anyway, John posted a birthday message and some new photos of himself goofing around by the swimming pool on Trust the Process. Check 'em out here.

Photo #1 - Rowr!

Photo #2 - Cute

Photos # 3 - 6 (gator wrestling) - I wouldn't mind being his inflatable pool toy...

Photo # 7 - 9 Okay, now these I have a problem with. I mean, who is he, Paris Hilton? What's with the gay little dogs? I'm going to have to agree with Nick Rhodes on this one: John, you're becoming too Hollywood. It doesn't suit you.

When I become Mrs. John Taylor #3, I vow to change all that. I'll get him back to his old foppish John self. No chihuauas, no Juicy Couture track suits, no ugly sunglasses. I will let him keep the inflatable toys, though.

And I will totally share him with Simon. It's the Christian thing to do.

Monday, June 19, 2006

What fresh hell is this?
It's the new American Idol "winner," apparently. I mean, I haven't been living under a rock; I heard all the brouhaha last month or whenever "America" voted in its new idol (another sign from God that I need to move to Canada), but I hadn't gotten a good look at him until this past weekend, when I caught the new Ford truck commercial featuring America's New Circus Geek--er, "Idol" TAYLOR HICKS.
Naturally, I have a few thoughts on the matter.
  1. Memo to Ford Trucks: is this the best shill you could come up with--the winner of the gayest show on television? I don't know jack about advertising and focus groups and all that, but I'm guessing that the typical pick-up truck enthusiast doesn't watch American Idol.
  2. Who is this Taylor Hicks guy, anyway? He looks and dances like somebody's dad. His "unofficial" fan site says he's 29. Well, my ass. If this dweeb is four years younger than I am, then Clay Aiken is an avowed heterosexual who regularly engages in threeways with Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan. In other words, riiiiiiiiight.
  3. Perhaps he is somebody's dad? Is that it? Did Simon Cowell just get sick of listening to all those theatre camp rejects belt out bad Whitney Houston songs, so he just stuck his dad up there and called it a day?
  4. I smell a conspiracy. Too bad I don't care enough to explore it any further.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

I was flipping through the channels the other day and I happened to catch the most disturbing program ever. It was on the E! Channel (surprise, surprise). It was called The Girls Next Door, and it was an "expose" on Hugh Hefner and his current stable of girlfriends. Actually, it was the E! True Hollywood Story (ugh) on the E! Channel's reality series The Girls Next Door, so it was an E! Channel expose on a TV show produced by the E! Channel. So this shocking "expose" was basically a long commercial for the channel's own damn show. Clever.

So Hugh Hefner is like 80 years old and he has seven girlfriends, all in their 20's (although one is 18, I think. Feeling queasy yet?) I only caught the last half of the special, thank Godfully, and these were the highlights:

  • The "head" (hee!) girlfriend, (who is a dead-eyed, dead-faced, dead ringer for Pamela Anderson) gave just about the creepiest interview ever. She was positioned in front of this cheesey backdrop with a streaming water fountain thing that totally looked like a Fanta-Suite hotel room, sitting sort of cross-legged on the floor and BOLT upright-- she was like one of those poseable figurine dolls with the wires up the back that make them sit up straight. Her face was all frozen and expressionless as she spoke earnestly about her role as the alpha female of Hef's harem. (I think that's what she was talking about. I was too distracted by her weird botulistic face to pay much attention to what she was saying).
  • The clip they showed from an episode of TGND, where one of the younger girlfriends was wigging out because she had a Playboy photo shoot scheduled at the same time as one of her finals (she was a college student, apparently). The girl was seriously losing her shit over this and ended up all huddled up in a fetal position on the stairs of the Playboy mansion because she was afraid of missing this "big opportunity" (the photo shoot) because of her final exam. I was thinking, honey--you're Hef's girlfriend. It's not like you can't pull some strings (gross!) and get the photo shoot rescheduled. Not exactly a Rhodes Scholar, that one....
  • There was a shocking revelation (made by the alpha Pam Anderson girlfriend, I think), that some of Hef's past girlfriends have been (gasp!) "gold diggers," and she is relieved that they are now gone. Yeah. Like her silliconed tits and ass would be humping all over that 80-year-old man if he were just your average Joe Shmoe in the street (or in the nursing home, in this case). Riiiiiight. Tell me another one, Botox Girl.
  • There was an interview with one of Hef's kids, who looked to be about 14 or 15 years old. He was saying that although he has "other goals," his big dream is to one day take over Dad's business and to help run the Playboy Empire. Um, kid? You're Hef's son. Isn't it pretty much a given that you'll be running things when the old man finally kicks off? It's not like a big fantastic pie-in-the-sky dream or anything. Either that kid is stunningly un-ambitious, or dumb as a chimp. I can't decide which.
  • The end of the show featured a parade of bimbos vouching for Hef's sexual prowess, lest any of us think the man is all talk, no cock. And seriously? I could have happily lived out the rest of my days on God's green earth without knowing about that, thank you. The capper was an interview with the real Pamela Anderson, who relayed a story about being at a Playboy Mansion party and walking in on Hef and a half-dozen of his sluts du jour going at it on his gigantic bed. She actually looked pretty shell-shocked (I mean, more than usual) as she described how she was just transfixed by the whole scene, and suddenly she felt she was being "sucked" closer and closer to the bed. ("Sucked"? Whoa, I really don't want to know anything about that). She claims she ended up "freaking out" and running from the room, (which, if that's really what happened she has more sense than I would have thought). Then she had to go and gross me out all over again by declaring that she "loves" Hef and intends to have sex with him on his 90th birthday to prove it.

And that's when I "freaked out" and ran out of the room to go scrub myself with anti-bacterial soap. Ugh.

Monday, May 22, 2006

I am severely addicted to the following songs:
Duran Duran - White Lines
From their unfairly panned 1995 release, Thank You, which rocks--and I'm not just saying that because it's Duran Duran (contrary to popular belief, there are a few D2 efforts foul enough to make even the most steadfast Duranie cringe, to wit: Liberty, Pop Trash, and Amanda de Cadenet). But that's part of the band's charm, IMHO. They've been good, they've been bad, but (more often than not) the've been unbelievably fucking awesome. This song? A shining example of their awesomeness. And yes, I am fully aware that it is a remake (it's a tribute album, duh) and Grandmaster Flash did the original, but really--after hearing this? No need at all for the original. I propose that we declare this one the "original," if that's what makes the snotty musical purists happy. Actually, on second thought? Fuck the snotty musical purists! I have no need for them, either. This song is the shit. End of story.
Rod Stewart - What Am I Gonna Do (I'm So In Love With You)
The bouncy synth beat, the faux-Jamaican stylings, the sweet, dorky lyrics ("You're like rock n' roll and champagne, all in one...")--this song truly does it for me. And while most would argue that it's not Rod's best work (of course it isn't!), I hold it up as further evidence that this man can take any musical genre and work the hell out of it. You like country? I give you What Made Milwaukee Famous and Mandolin Wind. You like rock? Here's Stay With Me and Every Picture Tells A Story. Folk? Take Gasoline Alley and Mama, You've Been On My Mind. Disco? Yup, Passion and Do Ya Think I'm Sexy. Synth pop? Hell yeah, there's Baby Jane and Young Turks. Old standards? His current release is (if I'm not mistaken) The Great American Songbook, Volume IV. Rod is the Lizard King. He can do anything.
The Sounds - Much Too Long
I can't get enough of this one! Luvs the chimey piano, the whizzy guitars, and the chick rawker vocalist. I only recently discovered this band, but this song alone makes me want to hunt down everything they've ever recorded (two albums, apparently).

Thursday, May 18, 2006


Ahhh, much easier on the eyes, no? No interactive post, no snarking required. Just sit back and enjoy the pretty. *swoon*

Thursday, May 04, 2006

My latest obsession...

This week I discovered (on the advice of good friend Ian Shane) the music site pandora, and I am now ridiculously, shamelessly, hopelessly addicted. It's one of those "create your own radio station" sites and it fucking rocks. It's also my new favorite time waster at work...I've been rediscovering bands and musicians that I haven't listened to in years (Japan, Missing Persons, Erasure, Berlin) and--even better--I have discovered so many new and obscure artists I'd never heard of before and likely wouldn't have found on my own. A lot of these bands have the most awesome-est, trippiest names ever: We Are Scientists, The Weather Machines, Vanishing Kids, The Ladybug Transistors, No Wait Wait, Manda and the Marbles, and--my absolute favorite--I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness (yes, that's an actual band name). Check out my "favorites" page if you like (it's already 4 pages long!) at And feel free to make fun of my list, I am fully aware that my taste in music tends towards the eclectic; some of my entries are The Cure, David Bowie, Depeche Mode....and Andy Gibb. You may also scoff at selections like "Push the Button" by Sugababes (a song that practically drives me insane, I love it so much! Can't help it, I'm a sucker for catchy New Wave-ish Britpop). And there is one song that absolutely defies description, in fact I saved it to my favorites largely because it is so bizarre and goofy and it totally cracks me up, a song titled (no joke) "Elf Call" by an outfit going by the name of Steel Eye Span and Maddy Prior (I don't know). Check out the sample, it is a total riot! Their sound is difficult to describe, sort of a cross between Bjork and Smashmouth on some serious acid. Truly weird.

My only real issue with pandora is the songs it occasionally tries to sneak in on the radio stations I've created. They generally do a good job of sizing up your musical tastes and throwing out stuff that is similar, but at times its random choices are so off-the-wall and wrong that it's downright annoying. For instance: I ask for Kim Wilde, I get Samantha Fox. Not the same thing. Okay, maybe a little, but not really. Also, on my Go-Go's station it keeps trying to throw me shite like Celine Dion (UGH!) and Barbra Streisand, no matter how many times I hit the "don't like!" button when that crap pops up. It's as if they think, "Okay, famale artists: here's Blondie, Joan Jett, and, uhhhhh, oh hell, why not--Amy Grant! She's a chick, too. Enjoy!" And today it did the unforgivable...on my Disco Glam station it tried to foist some pukey song by The American Idol Season 4 "Runners Up" (read: rejects). If there was a gun nearby I would have pulled an Elvis and blown a hole through my damn computer monitor. (Good thing I didn't have any firearms handy, I probably would have gotten my ass fired for that one).

Anyway, check out pandora. Especially my list, because it rocks.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

This dude loves me. Seriously, he totally said so.

Let me explain. After work on Friday afternoon I was trudging through downtown St. Paul on the way to my car (it's a long walk, but free parking is worth it). I was standing at an intersection waiting for the light to change, and some dude came by on a bike. He was sort of scruffy looking (see above) and had a black guitar case strapped to his back. He circled me a few times, stopped next to me a moment, and then took off. I was like, "okay, that was random." Then about 30 seconds later he rode by again, but this time as he passed me he murmured "I love you" and glanced over his shoulder to see if I'd heard before riding off into the sunset. I was a bit creeped out, as you can imagine, but also a little amused. The funniest part? It was totally the guy from Soundgarden, that grunge band from the nineties. I shit you not--it was totally him.

Now, setting aside the question of why the hell a famous singer was aimlessly biking his ass around downtown St. Paul last Friday (hey, people do a lot of weird things--maybe he was high?) I'd like to address a far more pressing issue here, which is (naturally), of all the rock stars in the world, why must it be the guy from Soundgarden who professes his love for me? I never listened to Soundgarden, even back in the day when grunge was everywhere and you couldn't escape it (and believe me, I tried). And although I don't really keep up with the current music that these crazy kids listen to nowadays, I am aware that Soundgarden doesn't exist anymore and the Soundgarden guy went on to form some other band with, like, a Stone Temple Pilot, one of the Wet Sprockets, and Ugly Kid Joe (or something like that), so apparently Soundgarden guy is still enjoying some success. Still though--why him? Seriously. If I were forced to make a list of all the rock stars I'd want publicly declaring their love for me, Soundgarden guy would probably be something like #1,278--right after Beck (who, for the record, I do like) and before Courtney Love.

I mean, not to harp on this or anything, but if it had to be a grunge rock star, why couldn't it be Eddie Vedder? I'm not a Pearl Jam fan, but the guy is the most shagworthy of all the blokes from that era (which isn't saying much). I remember the first time I saw Pearl Jam on MTV, I think it was the video for "Alive." To give you an idea of how little I understood the whole grunge phenomenon, I recall watching Eddie Vedder bounding across the stage and flipping his hair around, and I thought to myself, "I know Michael Hutchence. Michael Hutchence is a friend of mine. You, sir, are no Michael Hutchence." (I guess I thought he was aping Michael Hutchence, when in actuality he was just working the grunge thing). I didn't get it at all. I mean, I'm not saying grunge sucked or anything, it just wasn't for me. I like my rock stars glamorous, British, and a little gay (see also Taylor, John and Le Bon, Simon).

I don't know, I guess beggars can't be choosers. Maybe if the Soundgarden guy took a bath, got rid of the facial hair, put on something hot and faked a British accent, I could be persuaded.

Otherwise, it ain't happening.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Hello ladies and germs, it's time to play America's favorite game,

Today's contestant is a 37-year-old "healer" (ahem) from Indianapolis, Indiana. He enjoys smoking weed, taking naps, and reading magazines on the crapper. Please give a warm welcome to M-- well, let's just call him "Marshall" to protect his identity.

I found my ex's myspace profile (oh, don't pretend you've never used myspace, friendster, etc. to look up your exes) and I nearly wet my pants laughing at it. I won't post a link to it, because that would be petty and immature (and I'm well above that). I have, however, reprinted some of the more interesting tidbits for everyone's snarking pleasure.

First up, according to his profile, here are his "favorite" movies:

Betty Blue, The Cook,The Theif, His Wife, &; her Lover, The Emperors' New Groove, El Postino, A Room With a View, Life is Beautiful, Wings of Desire, White,

You'll notice that with the exception of The Emperor's New Groove (wtf?) that "Marshall" has taken great pains to list arty/indie/foreign films. And yet, the movie he insisted on dragging me to when I saw him last summer (on the eve of our final "fuck you, I never want to see you again" blow out)? The Bad News Bears. Yes, this is truly a man who enjoys fine art. To make matters worse, after that he wanted to stay for the next feature, (we were at the drive-in) , a horrible Martin Lawrence komedy that I can't even remember the name of (ironically, it appeared to be an attempt to cash in on the BNB remake--it was essentially the same film, only with a junior high basketball team). And okay, I just read what I wrote and it does sound like I'm being awfully snide and nit-picky. I can't claim the greatest taste ever as far as the arts go (I love Woody Allen movies, but I also love Beavis and Butthead). And The Bad News Bears remake wasn't all that bad, considering. I just think it's funny that all the films "Marshall" listed as his favorites seem to be straight out of a sensitive chick-baiting film geek handbook. Imagine some poor girl's surprise when she goes to his house and spies his DVD of The Blue Collar Comedy Tour (which he totally has! And he made me watch! UGH!) I may have some embarrassing entries in my movie collection, but I can proudly say I have nothing that features Larry the Cable Guy.

That's nothing, wait til you check out what he's listed as his "General" interests (I've left all his typos firmly intact, just to be a bitch):

Minds, Litterature, Travel, Juggling, Healing, Teaching, The Oppisite Sex, Cooking, Adventure, Fishing, Sailing

Funny how he claims to love literature (he does this in real life too--far be it for him to miss an opportunity to let you know how damned smart he is) and yet he can't even spell the flippin' word! And lest anyone doubt for a moment that he's a red-blooded hetero male, he made sure to list The Oppisite (sic) Sex (what's with the random caps?) under his interests. (The lady doth protest too much, methinks...) Something else occurred to me while I was browsing this....with "adventure", "sailing", and "travel" also listed, you'd think this guy was quite the jet setter, no? Again, I pity the poor woman naive enough to be taken in by this gross misrepresentation. I will say he has traveled quite a bit in the past, or so he claims. And he does sail. But the James Bond man-of-the-world image he seems to be trying to paint is, well, a tad inaccurate--unless he has come into a huge fortune in the last six months. But seeing as how he's using myspace to try and meet chicks, I'd say that's highly unlikely. (meow!)

And last but not least, his list of favorite books (remember, he's way into "litterature"!):

Books: Infinate and Finite Games, Goodby Without Leaving, The Botany of Desire, Spectacular Happiness, The Stars My Destination, Moon Palace, The Book of Laughter and Forgetting, Love in the Time of Cholera, Stranger in a Strange Land, Sidhartha, Cockpit, A Big Storm Knocked it Over, Eva Luna, Happy all the Time, Geek Love, The Deep Blue Goodbye, The Myth of Sysyphus: and other essays, Lullaby, The Velvateen Rabbit, A Wrinkle in Time, Where The Sidewalk Ends, Lizard, Kitchen, The Silent Gondaliers, If this Is a Man, A Soldier of The Great War, Still Life with Woodpecker, A Prayer for Owen Meaney, 122.. Marrige, Ringworld, Scar, Perdido Street Station, Icon, Leviathan, The Stranger, The Castle, The Brothers Kazamov, A Turn of the Screw, The Antproof Case, Winter Tails, A Swiftly Tilting Planet, Guns, Germs, and Steel, The Sun Also Rises, Hungry as the Sea, Little Woman, The Story of the Eye, At the end of the teather, Master &; Margurita, Antoine Artud, The Rosey Crucifiction, Naked Lunch, The Diaries of Anis Anin, Post Office, Betty Blue, The Clan of the Cave Bear, Breakfast of Champions, Jitterbug Perfume, The Handmaidens Tale, The Daughter of Fortune, Animal Dreams, Atlas Shrugged, A 1000 Years of Solitude, The Queen of Hearts, Tender as the Night, The Illusionist, Listening to Prozac, Slaughterhouse five, Tabboo, Shine On, Bright and Dangerous Object, The Electric Koolaid Acid Test, A Brave New World, Dinner at the Homesick Restaraunt, Brass, The Windup Bird, The Tropic of Cancer, Cat's Eye, The Twelth Night,

Okay, I won't even make fun of the misspellings here, because there are too many to list (although I have to say, The Diaries of Anis Anin? Anis Anin????? I--I mean...there are just no words.) What cracks me up is the sheer amount of titles he's listed. As my friend Linda said, "What did he do, just put down every book he's ever read in his life?"

You know, I don't even hate "Marshall" all that much anymore. I still kinda do, but when I saw this, a part of me just felt, I don't know...sort of bad for him.

But not too bad to rip all over his ridiculous profile! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Monday, March 27, 2006

I promise to start doing better than once a month posts. Til then, here is a women's sex survey I found online that I wanted to fill out, just for kicks. (No, not those kind of kicks, perv!)

Hair Color: Brown or Blond
Eyes: the better to see me with
(Their)Music Genre Preference: compatible with mine.
Height(estimate): negotiable
Age: 25 and up
Personality Type: perverted

Older or Younger: I'm starting to get off on younger ones...
Romantic or Horndog: why can't I have both?
Smart or Stupid: smart
Fat or Skinny: skinny
Skinny but Muscular or Big and Muscular: skinny and muscular
Punk or Preppy: a little of both
The Big Picture or the Little Things: I want the best of both worlds
Flowers/Candy or Big Expensive Present: uh...
Mixtape or Burned CD: CD
Love or Lust: BOTH!
Emotional or Just Not: Emotional
Sincere or Jokester: both
Hott and mean or Ugly and sweet: what?
Sexy or Just Cute: sexy
Arse or Abs: arse!
Hair or Hands: hair
Dimples or Eyes: eyes
Biceps or Calves/Thighs: calves, thighs, yum!
Teeth or Nose: Um, well, I prefer him to have both teeth and a nose. (WTF?)
Clean Shaven or Scruffy: what area of the body?
Rugged or Prim and Proper: proper but not prim!
Countryboy or Cityboy: city boy
Date alone or With Friends: depends on the friends...
Mama's Boy or Rebel Without A Cause: both

Dumped a guy because he liked you too much: yes
Loved a guy because he stalked you: what????
Loved a guy because he hated you: NO!
Asked your friend's crush out: no.
Lead a guy on for kicks: when I was 16 and immature
Flirted with guys even though you had a boyfriend: yes
Lied about not having a boyfriend: maybe...
Lied about having one: no
Cheated: I plead the 5th
Been Cheated on: yes
Had a crush on a gay guy: I made out with a gay guy!

Boxers?: naked
Briefs?: see above
Hat?: long as it's not a trucker hat
Skater Shoes?: what?
Pimp Shoes?: who?
Band Shirts?: depends on the band
Vintage shirts?: YES!
Southpole/um..other thug clothes..?: does not compute
Dixie Outfitters/Big Johnsons?: huh?
Independent/DC?: haven't the faintest
S&M/Little Devil?: don't know
Fox/Thor?: no idea
Jeans or Shorts?: jeans

Would you ever date a guy for his money?: how much we talkin'?
Would you ever date a guy for his social status?: huh?
Have you ever liked hanging out with your bf's friends more than him?: no
Have you ever pretended to like somebody to make them feel better? oh, a mercy fuck? (*cough*) no idea what you're talking about.
Have you called a girl a whore, when you were screwing lots of guys?: no
Do looks matter?: a bit.
Are you honestly scared of being dumped?: No, cause "paranoia will destroy ya..."
Does size matter?: yes. :-)
Do you avoid 'situations' with ugly guys?: sometimes
Are you ashamed to be seen with your ugly friends?: who wrote this crap?
Are you ashamed for being ashamed?: I've nothing to be ashamed of!
Do you hide things from your crushes/guy friends/bf?: I'm learning not to.... ;-)
Do you lie about masturbation for attention or false innocence?: I used to.
Do you really want a guy to say if those jeans make your butt look fat?: nope, and I never ask.
Are you disappointed when your bf doesn't say I love you right away?: ouch!
Wanna be a virgin till marriage? obviously not applicable
Do you really love the guys everytime that you say it? yes
Do you dream about your crushes/bfs/guy friends?: yes!
Would you make out with a guy friend just to get it over with/curiosity?: no!
Does this survey suck nuts? Kinda, yeah.

NOTE: I realized halfway through that this cannot possibly be a real sex survey and is intended for teens or something. I was going to delete it but since I went ahead and filled it out I'll just leave it. Oh well, I tried.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Obviously, I haven't updated in a while. This is not for lack of interest or lack of stuff to write about; it's mostly due to the fact that I've set a March 31st deadline for finishing The Book (and I'm sticking to it, dammit, even if it kills me). So as a consequence, this will not be the most intellectual post. My brain has turned to jelly.

I've been making all these lists in my head. It's fun. I like doing that---I think it's a compulsive thing. Here are some that I composed recently. The first one involves Duran Duran. Shocking, I know. I can't help it though. I love these men. I love their music. I love their hair. I love their clothes. I, hold it--what in God's name is Nick wearing in this photo? Is it a caftan? A tunic? A muu muu? Damn.

Andie's Top 5 Favorite Duran Duran Videos
  1. Rio Awwww, they're so young in this! So pretty and witty and adorably glam....I just wanted to eat them up! Yes, I really did.
  2. New Moon on Monday "Shake up the picture, the lizard mixture with your dance on the eventide." Some of the most awesome lyrics ever written. Also, Simon is teh sex.
  3. Careless Memories A bouquet of tulips hurled against the wall = weird Freudian metaphor? That being said, I totally feel for the chick in this video. Having to choose between Simon and John? That's rough. I should know, I've been grappling with that dilemma since I was twelve years old.
  4. Lonely In Your Nightmare Dude--John is so hot, it's criminal. Andy is also a cutie in this video (the little that we see of him, anyway. Damn the director...)
  5. The Wild Boys They're in bondage, y'all. John is lashed to the hood of a sports car, Simon is strapped to the windmill torture thingamajig, and Andy is fighting off a naked girl in body paint with his gee-tar. Welcome to my formative years.

Top 5 Songs That Make Me Feel Like a Bad Ass
  1. One Way or Another -- Blondie
  2. I Did It -- Dave Matthews Band
  3. This Boy -- Franz Ferdinand
  4. Dancing With Myself -- Billy Idol (heh, heh, smell the masturbatory overtones in that one?)
  5. Andy, You're A Star -- The Killers (okay, I'm vain. Sue me.)

Top 5 Favorite Songs To Sing At Kareoke
  1. Do You Think I'm Sexy? by Rod Stewart
  2. You May Be Right by Billy Joel (note: this one only works well when you're extremely liquored, like at least twice the normal amount for a kareoke bar).
  3. The Tide Is High by Blondie
  4. Positively 4th Street by Bob Dylan (good song for exorcising demons)
  5. Nasty by Janet Jackson (remember my advice for being well liquored for the Billy Joel song? Double that amount before attempting this one. Seriously.)

Top 20 Songs that I listen to a lot,
(according to the "most played" list on my iTunes)

  1. Fuck and Run -- Liz Phair (guess I sorta like that one, ya think?)

  2. Mama, You've Been On My Mind -- Rod Stewart

  3. Tell Her Tonight -- Franz Ferdinand

  4. Take Me Out -- Franz Ferdinand

  5. Born For Me -- Paul Westerberg

  6. Just Like A Pill -- Pink

  7. Your Love Is the Place Where I Come From -- Teenage Fanclub

  8. The Dark of the Matinee -- Franz Ferdinand

  9. It's My Life -- No Doubt

  10. Help Me Mary -- Liz Phair

  11. Red Light Fever -- Liz Phair

  12. Auf Achse -- Franz Ferdinand

  13. I've Had It -- Aimee Mann

  14. Cheating On You -- Franz Ferdinand

  15. Jacqueline -- Franz Ferdinand

  16. This Fire -- Franz Ferdinand

  17. Darts of Pleasure -- Franz Ferdinand

  18. Glory -- Liz Phair

  19. Why Can't I? -- Liz Phair

  20. It's Sweet -- Liz Phair

Next time: even more lists.