Thursday, December 28, 2006

Thanks to Marcus, I now have 893 songs on my iPod! I had 39 songs (thanks to Shane), but now that Marcus hooked me up and let me raid his music database, I have, like, over three times that amount! (Or something like that. Math isn't my strong suit...)

So without further ado, I am proud to present my first ever iPod shuffle list--because I know you care deeply:

  1. Me Around - Michael Penn
  2. Mountains - Prince
  3. I Believe/All I Need To Know - Duran Duran
  4. Melt Your Heart - Jenny Lewis with The Watson Twins
  5. Disembodied Voices - Finn Brothers

I don't know what it is about posting an iPod shuffle list, but it does make me feel cooler somehow. The hipster rule of thumb seems to be that the more eclectic your list, the more awesome you are. Seriously. I think I read that on Wikipedia, so it must be right. This means that all I need is to add a little Lawrence Welk, some Ramstein, a dash of the Andrews Sisters and a Megadeath CD or two and I will be so cool, I'll practically have freezer burn.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

So, I saw Apocalypto the other day. I'll forgo a real review in favor of an open letter to Mel Gibson:

Dear Mel,
  1. Hearts being ripped out for human sacrifices? And the dec(r)apitations that followed? And every entrail-ripping, blood-spurting, intestine-exposing death/mutilation that occured before and after that? To paraphrase esteemed film critic Tom Servo, I don't need to see every part of the human body--I can trust it's all there.
  2. Funny how, in true Hollywood tradition, the homely members of the tribe were killed off immediately, and the photogenic ones (of course) were damn near invincible.
  3. I wasn't aware that the sun made a whooshing sound during an eclipse. Then again, I never was good at all that science-y stuff.
  4. I remember when you were still Australian. What happened to that? It made you cuter and sort of cool, a la The Year of Living Dangerously. (oh, who am I kidding, I'd still have sex with the Aussie bastard).
  5. White man's arrival = Doomsday? That was a pretty cool message. The rest of the film I could have done without.

Thank you for your time.



Saturday, December 09, 2006

Six months. Six fucking months without a single post. I feel that I've failed you, my loyal readers (all 9 of you). Hopefully you've been content to browse the archives and reminisce about the days when I updated this thing on a regular basis.

Here is what I've been up to over the past six months (sorry for the annoying list format, it helps me think):

  • Quit my temp job at G.E. in late June to house-sit for Becca, my friend and St. Paul Writer's Guild comrade. Two and a half weeks all alone in a beautiful, quiet home with access to a swimming pool and cable TV, wifi, and the most extensive private library I've ever was heaven. I was extremely productive in my writing during this time: up at 6am to let the dogs out, feed and water the cats, some tea and toast, then straight to the laptop to start pounding out the latest chapter of my book. Someday, this will be my daily routine.
  • P.S.--I would have updated my blog at this time, but three days into my stay I spilled wine on my laptop, killing my computer and, subsequently, my wifi connection. Thank Godfully, my novel was saved on my jump drive and well out of my drunken reach at the time. Shane immediately came through with an extra laptop, which I was able to use to resume my writing (no internet connection, however, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise...)
  • I remained unemployed for the next several weeks, and made a pilgrimage to the Motherland (Indiana) to hang with family and friends. I met up with Marcus for Indian food and the latest installment in our bad movie fest, this time it was Smokey and the Bandit Part II, which was just as wretched as you'd expect. (The catchphrase Marcus came up for this one was, "Alcoholism is funny!")
  • Came back to Minnesota in early August and found a job as a massage therapist. (In the city of Minneapolis you don't have to be certified to practice, which fucking rules). I called about the job on a Friday night, interviewed the next morning, trained that same afternoon, and had my first two clients that night (usually the training process is a lot longer, but my boss was hurting for therapists at the time). Now we're fully staffed and I'm working my ass off, but making awesome, awesome cash! I now would rather pull my off my nipples with a pair of pliers than go back to temping--(I don't know how I survived on that shit for so long, but you do what you gotta do, I suppose). One of the great things about this job is that it's given me incredible fodder for my writing, with all the oddballs and the strange requests I get on a daily's a storyline goldmine that I will be mining regularly for blog posts and other projects. I've already thought of a television series based on my experiences. I'm thinking it would be something for HBO; you know, where they can show nudity and not be restricted by language or subject matter. Portia di Rossi can play me (I know, I'm flattering myself with that casting choice, but we do kinda have the same eyebrows...) and Kevin Spacey can play my lovably perverted, tranny- chasing boss. Personally, I think it's brilliant.
  • So, this brings me to the reason that I'm so pathetically behind on my blog posts--I don't have the same internet access that I had when I worked in an office. I will be buying myself a desktop computer shortly to use for email and blogging (I am restricting myself mainly to those two functions. Well, I also have to visit my friends' blogs, and the Duran Duran website, and The Superficial, and look for more Jude Law photos, but that's it...I promise.)

Anyhoo, as always--thank you for reading, and rest assured that I haven't abandoned the blog. Check back soon!