I'M EVERY WOMAN, IT'S ALL IN ME....

Yes, I tried the AI photo thing. My friend Misty put me up to it, but honestly I didn't need much convincing. This shit is fabulous! 

You have to submit a ton of pictures for the AI thing to really work its magic, which was initially a problem for me. You see, I had rhinoplasty back in April and most of the photos I have of myself are pre-nose job. I remedied this by making sure I uploaded a shot of my new profile, which seemed to work, as the AI program was able to incorporate my brand spankin' new, bought-and-paid-for schnozzle into most of the images. (Don't worry, I won't be writing a post detailing my rhinoplasty journey.* Nobody cares about anyone else's nose; it's only meaningful to the person who has the procedure. Well, and their plastic surgeon, hopefully.)

1940's Me.
John says it looks like a postage stamp.
I think I kinda look like a blonde version
of the Sun-maid Raisins girl. 

Ancient Greek Me.
This one is John's favorite, probably because
I look vaguely like a wood sprite.

Ottoman Bride Me. Random, but I like it.

Cyborg Me. I thought this would be John's favorite, 
since he's a big sci-fi guy.

1950s Chic Me. 
Not gonna lie, this set rules.

1950s Me, the non-chic version. 
They used my old nose here, but whatever.
I still like it. 

WWII Nurse Me. I think the uniform is cool,
but what the hell is going on with my mouth? 
I have never made that face before in my life.

Egyptian Queen Me.
YASSS QUEEN!!!

1970s Me, looking very Gloria Steinem.
I dig it, but where are my eyebrows? 

Okay, I fucking LOVE this one.

1980's Punk Me. My absolute favorite.

 
*Question: has anyone else noticed that everything is a "journey" now? It's all, "my pregnancy journey," "my weight-loss journey," "my colonoscopy journey," "my ingrown toenail journey," et cetera. The fucking Oprah-speak is everywhere these days. I wish George Carlin were still alive, because I'd love to hear his rant about this. He was so good at deconstructing and skewering that sort of bullshit. 

As long as I'm showing off pictures (and since I don't have much else to post at the moment), here are some paintings I did this year.

Stevie was my inspiration, although I didn't attempt to capture her floofiness.

I really enjoy painting fruit. I can see why it's a popular subject for artists.

Watermelon, watermelon.

This one is titled: There's a Moon in the Sky (Called the Moon).

Sabrina is a freelance art critic.

Below is my latest work, painted two nights ago when I randomly woke up at 2:30am completely wide awake and realized I wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon. Inspiration struck, and I had a sudden urge to paint the Colorforms logo. I loved Colorforms. They were one of my favorite toys as a little kid, and they kept my sister and me entertained on many a long car trip back in the day. 

If you're unfamiliar with the creators of Colorforms, read about them here. It's one of the best starving artist success stories ever. The guy who ended up designing the logo itself was also quite interesting, a graphic artist from New York who also did the logos for IBM, ABC (the network), UPS, and tons of others. Brilliant dude. 

Anyhoo, here's my stab at recreating the Colorforms logo. It took me a lot longer than I anticipated; the hardest part was getting the proportions exactly right, which I think I did. It's still not perfect, but fine for a spontaneous, wee-hours-of-the-morning project.

And because lately I've been ending all my posts with videos, here is a random sampling of songs that I listened to a lot in 2022, according to Spotify:

As you can see, I kinda got into Habibi this year. They're rather brilliant. 

     

Donald Trump is a Fart in a Mitten

Yeah I don't know what that means either, but I remember someone writing that about Paris Hilton back when she was a thing, and I thought it was funny. 

I also wrote that because there is a fairly good chance that someday DJT himself will stumble upon the phrase "DONALD TRUMP IS A FART IN A MITTEN," because if there's one bitch who stays up Googling himself at 3am, it's The Donald. That's a proven fact.

I was watching a clip of some rabid Trump supporters last night, and something dawned on me. It wasn't a particularly smart or insightful revelation, but here it is: Remember when Charlie Sheen had his public psychotic break a few years ago, and he had that disturbing fanbase of aging fratty white dudes cheering him on?  

This is all I could find on Google for "Charlie Sheen fans."

Still, I feel like it's a pretty fair representation. 

And these douchebro types were all like, "WOO HOO! Finally a guy who says what I think!"

An example of Charlie saying what they're thinking: 

"Ugly wives?" "Loser lives?" Ummmm......America? Does that sound like anyone else we know? 

I guess what I'm saying is--seriously, America--don't do it, don't fucking elect this blathering orange turd. And don't you dare be a dick and vote for Gary Johnson or do a write-in vote for your penis or whatever. VOTE FOR HILLARY. Stop crying about Bernie Sanders not getting the nomination. I don't care that Hillary is not who you want, because guess what? You know who I want to be President?

I want Simon Le Bon. Yep. I want Simon Le Bon to be President and Debbie Harry to be Vice President and the two of them can come to my house and bring me a pony and then Simon and Debbie can fly me around in a helicopter and we can wave at everyone and throw Duran Duran albums and candy to the adoring throngs below and land on the roof of the White House and have a picnic and both Simon and Debbie will tell me that I'm their favorite author ever and that they're going to declare Thanks, That Was Fun, like, the National Novel of America, whatever that is (I assume it's a special honor they'll create just for me) and that they want me to help them make all the important decisions and come to all the fancy White House dinners and help pass a law that requires everyone everywhere to become vegan. 

Also, there are unicorns.

Pictured: America under a Le Bon presidency. And that's the castle where John and I live with all our rescue cats.
 Plus my pony.

Realistically, however, that's not going to happen this time around. Maybe in another four years, who knows. But this election? I voted for Hillary.

And now here comes the obligatory video that every Duranie posts on election day. But for me, it has a deeper meaning (see above). 

Because Bon. SIMON Le Bon.

"Hi guys, by the way..."

I need this T-shirt.
Anyone...? Anyone...?

Yes, I do need it.
I really do.