Dammit cock shit asshole fuck.

I'm not a happy unit today. I had to take my car in because it's been doing a weird shaking/rattling/vibrating thing for the last few weeks. The guy at Saturn took about 2 hours to figure it out while I sat in the waiting room drinking bad coffee and reading Entertainment Weekly. Then he brings me out to the service area and tells me (in an upbeat tone) that my struts are fucked and that's what's causing the problem, and that "amazingly" the struts aren't covered by the service plan that I purchased when I bought the car. He rambled on and on and on and I cut him off and just said, "So how much?" and he shuffled his papers and hemmed and hawed (I fucking hate when mechanics do that. Cut the crap and tell me how much money you'll be extorting). He tells me that it will be "just under $300" (wow! It's a fucking bargain!) so I think a moment, and then say, "Well, I don't have the money to write a check, and I don't want to use my credit card, so what are my options?" Okay, I know that sounds like a lame ass thing to say, but it's Saturn, and I've been a customer forever and I always pay and I always get my oil changed on time (part of my service agreement) and all that crap. And they're not your ordinary car company, or so they claim, so I'm thinking that just this one time they can throw me a bone and let me pay half now and half next month or SOMETHING because I really thought that this shaking vibrating bullshit was to do with my alignment which IS covered by my service agreement. So the mechanic does that "let me ask my manager bullshit" and goes around the corner into the office area and returns after a moment and I know damn well he didn't talk to his "manager", all he did was like scratch his balls or pick his nose for 30 seconds and then come back. He then informs me that "we don't do that anymore," so I tell him, "Let me think about it" (like that'll make any difference), go back to the waiting area, take a look at my checkbook, get depressed, return to the garage and tell him that I'll pay half by credit card and half by check, and he's cool with that (like he has a choice) and I spend the rest of the day fantasizing about finding the salesman who talked me into buying the expensive service agreement and kicking him square in the nuts.

And on top of all that, I'm premenstrual.

Last night I had a dream about Liev Schreiber. It was a very odd dream; I was at some retreat or commune or something, and there were like three couples (people I was friends with in the dream, but who don't exist in my real life). Along with me and the couples (I guess I was on my own) there was an older hippie black woman who was very quiet and who didn't like me for some reason. She kept following me around and doing weird shit, although I can't remember exactly what she was doing. I think at one point we all went swimming or hot-tubbing or something. So Liev was half of one of the couples, and he kept flirting with me. It was very subtle, chaste flirting, but I could tell he wanted me. Oh yes he did. I really wanted to make a move, but I felt guilty and conflicted because I was friends with his girlfriend, (whoever she was). I don't think she suspected anything, but I never did get much time alone with Liev because everyone else was always around. I can't really remember what else happened, except that it ended sort of ambiguously and Liev and I never got it on, dammit.

This is Liev. He is one of my favorite actors and he starred in one of my all-time favorite movies Walking and Talking. He is an amazing actor who's been in so many movies but remains (sadly) unappreciated and relatively unknown by the masses. If you've never seen it, rent RKO 281, the movie about the making of Citizen Kane. He plays Orson Welles, and he kicks major ass! Such a great performance. I lurve him.

I get to see I Heart Huckabees tonight for a dollar (playing at the cheapie theatre). Yay!

So, everyone broken up over the Brad/Jen split? No? Me neither. But I have (of course) been spending time over at fametracker, and I found something hilarious that I might as well share. (A bit of background info before you click, the rumor is that Brad had phone sex with Angelina Jolie). Why the hell do I know this? Oh yeah, fametracker.

I have a new obsession, (thanks to Mike, who gifted me with the enitre first season on DVD). It's called The L Word, and I'm ridiculously addicted. A few years ago I got hooked on Queer As Folk, but I found myself losing interest midway through the third season because I got sick of watching Brian being a slut and Michael being a geek (even though I still love Hal Sparks) and Melanie and Lindsay, the most boring lesbian couple ever and Michael's obnoxious mom with the stupid wig didn't help matters. So now I'm all about The L Word. It's more than just a guilty pleasure type of show--it's very well written and well acted and, as I mentioned, unbelievably addictive. I've already watched every DVD of the first season, and now I'm going back and watching the commentary (yes, I'm being that dorky about it). My favorite characters are (in order from most favorite to least favorite):

1. Alice and Shane (tie)
2. Dana
3. Bette (Jennifer Beals rules)
4. Jenny (she's growing on me)
5. Kit
6. Tina
7. Marina (I liked her better at the beginning)
8. Tim

I have a lot of anxiety now because the second season doesn't start until Feb. and I don't have cable and I have to find someone who does and get them hooked on the show so I can either a.) watch it with them or b.) sweet talk them so they'll tape it for me.

Also, I really hope that it's not one of those shows that starts out awesome in the first season and then starts sucking. I'm trying to restrain myself from reading the second season spoilers, but I do know that Marina gets killed off or something and Tim isn't coming back. Beyond that, I don't want to know a damn thing! Ignorance is bliss.

So rent or buy the first season of The L Word, and if you like it email me and we can gossip. Because I'd so much rather do that than actual work, which I should be doing now.

I'm baa-aaack. Hope everyone had a Merry Holiday Season, as I did, and that you didn't miss me too much while I was busy slacking on my posts. I get kinda bummed when the holidays are over, because there is absolutely NOTHING else to look forward to until springtime, (which begins in March in Indiana, but here in Minnesota it could be April or May until we see any kind of greenery).

I've decided to make some lists, because I don't feel like thinking too much today and lists are something I can do without much thought or effort. So here goes nothing....

My lists for 2004--a retrospective.

Best shopping discovery (stores): Cliche, located in Uptown (the Minneapolis equivalent of the Mass Ave. area in downtown Indianapolis, for my fellow Hoosiers). Cliche is AWESOME. It has cool T-shirts ("babydoll/girl-fitted" T-shirts in wearable sizes, which I love), as well as incredibly hip dresses, skirts, pants, shorts, coats, etc. etc. etc. I found the store on my own one day in September, I wandered in because of the Summer Clearance sign in the window and fell in love. I scored an awesome dark olive green courderoy mini-skirt that I am still wearing even in the ass-clenching cold because it looks cool with the every color of tights that I have (I'm on a tights kick--they're hip, they keep your legs warm, and they last much longer than pantyhose). This dark olive green courderoy mini-skirt also manages to go with every T-shirt, sweater, top, etc. that I own, and it only cost me $8. I also found a cute black babydoll T-shirt with a Sanrio-like character on the front for $6, and a jaw-droppingly awesome red satin Asian dress (with the high Oriental collar, short sleeves, etc.) that was exactly my size and on clearance for $18! When I was out Christmas shopping last month with my friend Linda we took a detour to Cliche and she found a vintage floral dress for under $30 and I found a fitted pink fuzzy retro argyle sweater for $15. THIS STORE RULES.

Also, I love Heavenly Soles--also located in Uptown. It has incredibly cool, funky shoes (most of them expensive, but you can usually find some good bargains). That's only half the store, though. The other half, for some reason, is filled with cool toys--the fun adult novelty kind (not that kind of adult stuff!) It's more like sock monkey keychains and smart-ass bumper stickers and candy cigarettes (kids--stay away!) and Bettie Paige coasters and cute purses. Whenever I go, I usually spend about two hours in there, and it's a relatively small store. Heavenly Soles also rules.

Third but not least is Dabble--not located in Uptown but in a smaller yet equally cool neighborhood--northeast Minneapolis, as close as you can get to St. Paul without being in St. Paul. Dabble is basically like Heavenly Soles without the shoes--just cool toys, purses and cards but it's much more girly than HS. It's an extremely tiny store but I can also easily kill about two hours in there, because it rules.

Best restaurant I discovered this year: Ecopolitan. Without a doubt. This is the one I went to on my birthday--the one in Uptown that's completely vegan and completely raw. The one that Anna hated and that I loved. I stand by my choice, and that's not just because I like the concept because I'm a big old hippie. Really, it's not.

Worst restaurant I discovered this year: Paisano's Pizzaria. I went to it because it's in my neighborhood and the pizza was recommended to me by someone at work as "the closest you can get to New York pizza in the Twin Cities." If that's true, then New York pizza sucks. The worst thing about this place is actually the service, which manages to be both non-existent and terrible at the same time, and they bring the food out to you on paper plates. Now, I'm not a snob by any stretch of the imagination, but I know paper plates, and the ones they use are the cheapest, flimsiest, shittiest ones--we're talking the Yorktown brand at the bottom of the shelf at the grocery store. On top of that, the pizza is way overpriced. Overpriced pizza on paper plates topped off by crappy service. That about sums up Paisano's.

Best coffee shop I discovered this year: Nina's, because it's right across from my apartment building, it's clean, it's classy, it's hip and while the coffee isn't the best in the city it has good mint tea and Garrison Keillor hangs out there. I haven't seen him there yet, but he mentions it twice in his latest book.

Best concert I saw in 2004: Holy shit, it has to be the Finn Brothers. The whole experience; the show itself, seeing Neil Finn in person, talking to Neil Finn, touching Neil Finn, getting an autograph from Neil Finn, taking a photo with Neil Finn, and not making a dork out of myself while in being in close proximity to Neil Finn. Tim Finn was cool, too--didn't mean to leave him out, but for me it's all about Neil.

Best book I read this year: The Anxiety of Everyday Objects by Auralie Sheehan. It disproves all the shit people (including me) say about "chick-lit," (which is something of a derogatory term in itself). A Girl Becomes A Comma Like That by Lisa Glatt is also quite worthy, and also qualifies as great chick-lit (which is not an oxymoron--and never was--as I was reminded this year).

Best album of 2004: I'm bestowing this honor on Duran Duran, by default. I've heard their new CD, (I own it, natch) but it's not their best, nor was I expecting it to be. Duran Duran will never sound the same as they did in 1984, (or even 1987, when they were still awesome even with just three of them). But the fact that all five original members are back together warms the cockles of my cold, jaded 31-year-old heart, and also, I've never gotten over my love for John Taylor. It's not a crush, it's not an obsession, it's not infatuation, people. Crushes, obsessions, infatuations, etc. don't last for twenty years. This is true love.

Best movie of 2004: Can't really choose a best one, because nothing stands out. I think the ones I liked the most (off the top of my head) were Fehrenheit 9/11 and Team America. I guess they're both in similar veins, although F9/11 was serious and Team America was a parody, although Michael Moore made an appearance in both. But there was puppet sex in Team America. Yes, puppet sex. See it.

There were other movies that I liked, but ya know, they didn't change my life or anything (and they definitely didn't feature puppet sex). I liked Alfie and Closer, because Jude Law was in both. I liked Spider Man 2. I liked um, crap, what else did I see? I know there's more, but I guess they weren't all that memorable. I have a feeling that if I would have actually gotten around to seeing Napolean Dynamite, Garden State, I Heart Huckabee's, Sideways and Ray, I'd be able probably name at least one of them as a favorite, but I didn't. Most of them are already out on DVD or will be soon, so I'll have to settle for that.

I can tell you, without a doubt, the WORST movie that I saw this year, however. It was The Stepford Wives, and it sucked. So unfunny, so lame, so badly acted, so badly written, and so boring on top of it all. Nicole Kidman, you fucking owe me for this one, along with Eyes Wide Shut from way back in 1999. Those two piece of shit movies comprise 5 1/2 hours of my life I'll never get back, and I'm holding you personally responsible, because I'm beginning to think that the fact that you starred in both is not just a coincidence. And furthermore, out of all the 5,000 movies you've made, the only good ones are To Die For and Moulin Rouge. The only good ones! And I want you to know that I didn't see Cold Mountain, even though Jude Law is in it. Hear that? And I still won't, even though Jude Law is in it. That's saying something, girlfriend.

So that's my list for 2004. Hope it was everything you thought it would be, whatever that was.