What fresh hell is this?

It's the new American Idol "winner," apparently. I mean, I haven't been living under a rock; I heard all the brouhaha last month or whenever "America" voted in its new idol (another sign from God that I need to move to Canada), but I hadn't gotten a good look at him until this past weekend, when I caught the new Ford truck commercial featuring America's New Circus Geek--er, "Idol" TAYLOR HICKS.

Naturally, I have a few thoughts on the matter.

1. Memo to Ford Trucks: is this the best shill you could come up with--the winner of the gayest show on television? I don't know jack about advertising and focus groups and all that, but I'm guessing that the typical pick-up truck enthusiast doesn't watch American Idol.
2. Who is this Taylor Hicks guy, anyway? He looks and dances like somebody's dad. His "unofficial" fan site says he's 29. Well, my ass. If this dweeb is four years younger than I am, then Clay Aiken is an avowed heterosexual who regularly engages in threeways with Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan. In other words, riiiiiiiiight.
3. Perhaps he is somebody's dad? Is that it? Did Simon Cowell just get sick of listening to all those theatre camp rejects belt out bad Whitney Houston songs, so he just stuck his dad up there and called it a day?
4. I smell a conspiracy. Too bad I don't care enough to explore it any further.